Circle

“A circle is the reflection of eternity. It has no beginning and it has no end - and if you put several circles over each other, then you get a spiral. - Maynard James Keenan”

I have always been a circle type person. For me, they simply represent wholeness. Be it the completion of a cycle, the completion of a person or maybe completion in general. And the most beautiful part after completion is that you get start again, not the same circle but a new one.

If we sit down and reflect for a minute, and pile those invisible circles we have completed; the good ones as well as the bad ones; how high would our towers be? Are there any circles that you should be letting go off but you just can’t? Of course there are. It isn’t easy to let go of the flow of control, or to accept that this will be the end of something ever so precious, or even understand that this is what is meant to happen. I know. I myself have shed many tears about it.

 A while ago I something stupid. I am sure we all have at a certain point in our life. And I assure this wasn’t the first stupid thing I have done nor would it be the last. To put it in simpler terms, I held on to my own personal growth out of fear. I stopped myself from reaching my first step of completion because I was so scared that after the process I would still not be good enough. Sounds vague, and yet relatable doesn’t it?

I kept giving up. Whenever I was so close, whenever I was doing well, fear would come to play and assist me with giving up. It became routine that I actually felt comfortable being incomplete until my good old friend Life came knocking on my door with a bunch of reality checks. You see because I was stopping my personal growth from happening, I was indirectly killing my relationships, my career, and my future. And the fear of not being good enough eventually tracked me down to the point were, a) I really was not good enough and b) I could only use the excuse “it is because I gave up”.

For me, for a while that tower of circles never got built, because I never let anything come to wholeness. At most, all the circles in my life ended up grouping together to form chains around me keeping me down. But it wasn’t the end of the world.  All I needed to do was complete them one at a time. Sounds easy right? Let me reaffirm that it is that easy actually, and things are much better. While I do have some days where I feel that I am still not good enough, there have been days that I can stand my ground. All I have to remember is, it’s ok to handle this one circle at a time, it’s ok to let go and that all good and bad things come to an end.

Settle Vs Just

“Many things happened in my life, and I thought that they changed me… but in the end, nothing has changed since I was seventeen.. If I could keep today’s happiness… I wouldn’t worry about tomorrow. ” ― Ai Yazawa

I have always been a 50/50 person, ever since I could remember! Some days where easy to walk through while others where a struggle. However I have always had the same philosophy, at the end of it all, when I am on my death bed, I would like to know that I have had more good days than bad, even if it is just a day difference between the both! 

But lately I have been wondering, What if happiness is really a state of mind? Maybe it is, but we all feel different about it sometimes. 

We all get knocked down, Some of harder than the rest, but we get up, using our own methods and stand tall in our own ways, because we are built to survive. 

We may not get the best card’s dealt to us, but we make do with what we have, and in some cases it makes us luckier than having a good playing hand, because that’s how we learn our values. 

We have come so far, and yet we are worried about tomorrow! And when tomorrow comes, we realize its not as scary as we thought! We settle for a happy day, and then repeat the entire process again and again and again! 

I have been through a lot! We all have, and on some days I wonder… has nothing changed since last year? Maybe it has, maybe it hasn’t. Am I going to stop being happy because of it? I sometimes do and sometimes don’t, even though I know its wrong. 

But I know I am always ready to try again, to see where I end up, because there is a chance it will all turn out different. 

And then maybe I can stop settling for happy days and just be happy?

Questions about dreaming chasing

“Nana...how come being happy and making your dreams come true are two different things? Even now, I still don't know why...” ― Ai Yazawa



Lets talk about dreams, and I am not talking about the ones you have when your safely tucked away in bed, sleeping away life.
No I am talking about the ones you yearn for or better yet the ones you ache for, the ones you lose sleep over.
I was always under the impression that if you achieve your dreams you will achieve happiness, but I have come to see that it may not be the case all the time.

Essentially we are already happy and content, even if we are to debate whether we are really truly happy or not, without achieving those said dreams, I think that we can come to the conclusion that because we are happy and content right now, we don’t have the urge to go chase our dreams, and that is maybe why, sadly not everyone’s dreams get realized.
What I mean to say is, how many times have we come accross a person that said "Well I would like so and so, but if it doesnt happen I am alright with that" or seen a person that clearly has a vision yet isnt doing anything to achieve it.

In my opinion I think that they are like that not because of fear, or anything negative, but because they just have too much positive things going on for them that it doesnt make sense to chase their dreams.

You see chasing dreams, its not a simple easy process, it involves a lot of work, a lot of set backs and disappointments, a lot of dedication and persistence, and an insanely huge amount of faith you have in yourself and in the universe, but the end result is rewarding.
That is exactly why we admire those who set out and chaise their dreams, it is also why we get inspired by them, and this is also why people give up on their dreams as well.
So here is what I am trying to ask , Is your current happiness and comfort in life worth more than that of what your dreams could provide you? Can you been happy and have life’s comfort while chasing your dreams? and is it Ok not to achieve your dreams?