Thinking out loud again.

Growing up, the hardest choices I had to make were , what crayon I want to color with? what to have for breakfast or what am I going to do for the weekend? (Mind you, I still have trouble deciding what I will be doing for the weekend). Life back then made a lot of sense. Everything felt so right. There was nothing we (or Shall I say I) could do wrong. There was no wrong choice.

I don’t know, It’s not like I am lost, sad or anything like that, I am just wondering what happened to my freedom of choice, Actually no! I am wondering when I stopped fighting for it. I watch many people around me give up! For them it’s the finish line, I hear them thinking, “If this is what society/family/friends me to do, I shall do it” and I see them just give in. I wonder if they have any ambitions or dreams, or how much I am willing to give up to make others happy.

I think about my own dreams, they sure as hell will disappoint mum and dad, and I am wondering how much should I really care. Should I honor them by becoming a mindless zombie (which also somehow will upset them as well), Or should I go for it, Leap up to the sky without ever looking down and hope to god that eventually they will understand.

This is me, This is now, and unfortunately like others I have managed to lock myself up in a box filled up with full of secrets. But not for long, Because I want to always and forever see the good things in life! Ps- If your wondering what inspired my above chain of thoughts read below.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ACHE FOR, AND IF YOU DARE TO DREAM OF MEETING YOUR HEART’S LONGING.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WILL RISK LOOKING LIKE A FOOL FOR LOVE, FOR YOUR DREAM, FOR THE ADVENTURE OF BEING ALIVE.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE CENTRE OF YOUR OWN SORROW, IF YOU HAVE BEEN OPENED BY LIFE’S BETRAYALS, OR HAVE BECOME SHRIVELLED AND CLOSED FROM FEAR OF FURTHER PAIN.

I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN SIT WITH PAIN - MINE OR YOUR OWN - WITHOUT MOVING TO HIDE IT, OR FADE IT, OR FIX IT.

I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN BE WITH JOY - MINE OR YOUR OWN; IF YOU CAN DANCE WITH WILDNESS, AND LET THE ECSTASY FILL YOU TO THE TIPS OF YOUR FINGERS AND TOES, WITHOUT CAUTIONING US TO BE CAREFUL, BE REALISTIC, TO REMEMBER THE LIMITATIONS OF BEING HUMAN.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN DISAPPOINT ANOTHER TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF: IF YOU CAN BEAR THE ACCUSATION OF BETRAYAL AND NOT BETRAY YOUR OWN SOUL: IF YOU CAN BE FAITHLESS AND THEREFORE TRUSTWORTHY.

I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE BEAUTY, EVEN WHEN IT IS NOT PRETTY EVERY DAY, AND IF YOU CAN SOURCE YOUR LIFE FROM ITS’ PRESENCE. I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN LIVE WITH FAILURE, YOURS AND MINE, AND STILL STAND ON THE EDGE OF THE LAKE AND SHOUT TO THE SILVER OF THE FULL MOON, “YES!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN GET UP AFTER THE NIGHT OF GRIEF AND DESPAIR, WEARY AND BRUISED TO THE BONE, AND DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO FEED THE CHILDREN.

It doesn’t interest me what you know, or why you came here.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WILL STAND IN THE CENTRE OF THE FIRE WITH ME, AND NOT SHRINK BACK.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SUSTAINS YOU FROM THE INSIDE, WHEN ALL ELSE FALLS AWAY. I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN BE ALONE WITH YOURSELF, AND IF YOU TRULY LIKE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP IN THE EMPTY MOMENTS.

The Invitation – Oriah, Mountain Dreamer

Another Meh Moment

Me…?

I have always been one to be interested in something I can not get, kind of like wishing you could hold the sun.

I am generally unappreciative of that which is given to me easily, Can’t say why though.

I have never had a problem getting things I felt is possible, and never had to struggle for them either, while I watch people try again and again to get them. People have flown pass the sky and on to the moon, If someone did it, So can I.

I am not one who has any trouble getting along with people, Nor am I afraid of being blunt with them.

I will not be the one to hold your hand and guide you to safety, because it’s in danger we live.

I have never been and will never be afraid of trying something new, growing old or dying along, or the fact that no one may miss me when I am gone. I am alive now, when the curtains close it all won’t matter.

I won’t tell someone I love them, Miss them or care for them if I don’t mean it. Even if I have known that person my whole life. I can’t even pretend I like someone I hate for the stake of anyone.

This is me, This is who I am, In all bluntness. Trying so hard not to get caught up in being someone else.

Why Am I saying this now? Its just something I needed to shout out.

What does it all mean? I have no clue.

What next? Well … That’s a secret.


I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket And the other one is playing the piano