I hate it when people don’t understand your situation and try to give you advice. I feel like dragging them down to my situation and giving them the same stupid lines that they just gave me. I can’t bring myself to understand that your trying to help me! It is not, trust me it is not! I hate the fact that people feel sorry for you, like what I really need is someone's pity. You idiots.. YOU ARE MAKING ME FEEL WORSE! I would rather you pretend that everything is fine just so that I can feel normal. I don’t want solutions to my problems or answers for my future, I just need you to pretend that everything is alright and everything is fine. Even when its not. Just give me hope that it will be….
I hate it when people ask me about why I don’t speak Arabic or Hindi or any other language that I am suppose to be speaking, Can’t you just let it be, I am not interested now, and I will learn when I am interested. I have lived 19 years of my life without it and I have done perfectly fine! I really don’t want to learn Arabic because it is going to make gossiping with you so much freaking easier! I am ok with not speaking the language and I can live my life like this. I should've …could've …. but didn’t … SO deal with it. I hate it when people make fun of my accent in Arabic! You wanted me to speak Arabic and now your making make fun of me? I am freaking trying here! I am sorry that I am Half Indian, I am sorry that I don’t know any of my Bahraini Family members that could've taught me how to speak. But guess what if I could deal with it, then so could you.
I hate it when people ask me about my driver license and why I don’t have one, well you try having an inflexible full time job at the age of 16 while studying in the evening and trying to get your license, And if your are able to, then you can come back to me and tell me to get my license, I might listen to you. Until then, you can go fall down a ditch and die for all I care, because I am really sick of hearing it. I don’t have my license, big deal, The world is not going to end because of that. Not having a license makes my life difficult, not yours! And If it makes your life difficult please tell, so that I can give you some peace and stop bothering you! Having you not asking about my license so freaking much would be a blessing.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I hate Sundays
I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around
Oh, no
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the
is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
(Nine Inch Nails - Everyday is exactly the same)
Searching for the sunday where I don't find it painful to wake up.
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around
Oh, no
Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the
is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
(Nine Inch Nails - Everyday is exactly the same)
Searching for the sunday where I don't find it painful to wake up.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
In 20 years
I don’t Know why I feel I want to talk about 20 years from now, what I will be doing, where I see myself, So I will just go ahead … with no explanation, no reason.
In 20 years from now, I see myself as a writer, a proclaimed writer, with some of the worlds top selling novels. My office will be small, but cozy, and I will have a lot of personal items decorating it. It would be my ultimate creative corner. I imagine my office always filled with papers, as I still would have not gotten out of the habit of writing now thoughts onto paper before typing them on to the computer. I would be frantically trying to finish my next best seller, hoping that yes this will be the one that they turn to a movie.
I see myself having an editor, who I treat as my P.A but secretly consider her my best friend. She would have read and edited most of my books. I imagine her pulling her hairs out trying to get me to finish my book on time, working harder that me to achieve my dreams, which is a book of mine that gets turned into a movie, Giving me a hard time of my carefree attitude. Writers are so hard to work with sometimes!
One of these days we will get that dream of ours!
My personality would still be the same, But I would be able to be more of myself and I would be able to understand me, or people better because of all the experience I have been through. I will have traveled most of the world by then, taking back with me a bit of each country, and becoming the person who I am (20 years from now)
I am more family orientated! I have 3 children that I can’t see my life without. I hoping its 2 boys and a girl… and that the girl will be more mischievous than the others! I feel secure and happy that I have a warm family. I would be sending my children to various art classes, with the hopes that one day they will become great artist, however I wont be disappointed they would choose to become bankers, doctors, etc. I know I will be supportive no matter what. We will all live is a small, warm, cozy house. Decorated with things I have picked up from all around the world. I imagine my house would be building from wood. It gives off this artistic feeling to it, and I own a old ford pick up truck that my kids love, they have always enjoyed sitting the back.
I see myself as such a cool person, I see my life has turned out pretty cool! I really cant wait for 20 years to really see what happens. I guess I will be coming back to this post in the late future.
ps - Thank you hamad for pointing out the typos and missing words
In 20 years from now, I see myself as a writer, a proclaimed writer, with some of the worlds top selling novels. My office will be small, but cozy, and I will have a lot of personal items decorating it. It would be my ultimate creative corner. I imagine my office always filled with papers, as I still would have not gotten out of the habit of writing now thoughts onto paper before typing them on to the computer. I would be frantically trying to finish my next best seller, hoping that yes this will be the one that they turn to a movie.
I see myself having an editor, who I treat as my P.A but secretly consider her my best friend. She would have read and edited most of my books. I imagine her pulling her hairs out trying to get me to finish my book on time, working harder that me to achieve my dreams, which is a book of mine that gets turned into a movie, Giving me a hard time of my carefree attitude. Writers are so hard to work with sometimes!
One of these days we will get that dream of ours!
My personality would still be the same, But I would be able to be more of myself and I would be able to understand me, or people better because of all the experience I have been through. I will have traveled most of the world by then, taking back with me a bit of each country, and becoming the person who I am (20 years from now)
I am more family orientated! I have 3 children that I can’t see my life without. I hoping its 2 boys and a girl… and that the girl will be more mischievous than the others! I feel secure and happy that I have a warm family. I would be sending my children to various art classes, with the hopes that one day they will become great artist, however I wont be disappointed they would choose to become bankers, doctors, etc. I know I will be supportive no matter what. We will all live is a small, warm, cozy house. Decorated with things I have picked up from all around the world. I imagine my house would be building from wood. It gives off this artistic feeling to it, and I own a old ford pick up truck that my kids love, they have always enjoyed sitting the back.
I see myself as such a cool person, I see my life has turned out pretty cool! I really cant wait for 20 years to really see what happens. I guess I will be coming back to this post in the late future.
ps - Thank you hamad for pointing out the typos and missing words
Monday, June 16, 2008
Thoughts 15 minutes before a tough exam
Im not sure how to start, so I will just start. Lately I have been watching a lot of anime, I cant help it. It seems like all I want to do.
Specifically im addicted to this really childish anime. You could compare it to the power rangers… Yet I can relate to it!
The concept goes something like this “ All kids have an Egg in their heart, the egg of their dreams, their would be selves” (childish I know)
So we basically have an Egg in ourselves, this egg contains what we dream of and represent what we want to be. In the anime, some children’s wants are so powerful that the egg comes out of their heart and hatches into guardians. (if your still reading I applaud you) Sometimes some children want to achieve their dreams so badly but just cant, mostly because they don’t believe in themselves, those eggs turns blacks, gets an X mark on them and becomes harmful to the children and in some cases others as well. In the anime those kids grow up to be goal-less adults walking through life without ever enjoying it. So its up to all guardians to protect children’s eggs and prevent them for turning black/ or save the black eggs.
Somehow this feels similar, Childrens dream, some of them shine, some of them fall and never get back up.
Back to the anime, there are 2 characters I can really relate to …
1st is actually the bad guy of the anime, An evil scientist that preys on weak children and causes their eggs to turn black, crushing them. His story was that he wanted to be a professor one day and create an amazing type of robot, He really wanted it, so his dream egg came out, but before the egg could hatch into a guardian, it was accidentally crushed by one of his failure robots, slowly due to time he was forced to give up on his dream due to societal and parental pressures, his egg never returned. I guess you can say failures are deadly if you do not know how to pick yourself up after one.
The 2nd character I can relate to is a stray cat like boy, who is so indifferent yet so not. Someone who keeps quite and keeps everything to himself because of the fear of getting hurt or hurting others. Someone who cant seem to place importance in himself yet places importance in others.
These seem like negative things for me to relate to, but I’m at a point in my life where I need something I can relate to, I need to understand what im feeling, because right now a lot of things to me just don’t make sense, and the more I question them, the more I get sting or at the very least a bunch of angry screams.
I know its all in my hand, but I don’t have the motivation to do anything about it, I seem to have lost that, along with reason.
Im not too sure how I am going to try to understand
I could be facing the worst reality check, but I don’t want to accept it. Why cant I dream, just for a bit longer?
Specifically im addicted to this really childish anime. You could compare it to the power rangers… Yet I can relate to it!
The concept goes something like this “ All kids have an Egg in their heart, the egg of their dreams, their would be selves” (childish I know)
So we basically have an Egg in ourselves, this egg contains what we dream of and represent what we want to be. In the anime, some children’s wants are so powerful that the egg comes out of their heart and hatches into guardians. (if your still reading I applaud you) Sometimes some children want to achieve their dreams so badly but just cant, mostly because they don’t believe in themselves, those eggs turns blacks, gets an X mark on them and becomes harmful to the children and in some cases others as well. In the anime those kids grow up to be goal-less adults walking through life without ever enjoying it. So its up to all guardians to protect children’s eggs and prevent them for turning black/ or save the black eggs.
Somehow this feels similar, Childrens dream, some of them shine, some of them fall and never get back up.
Back to the anime, there are 2 characters I can really relate to …
1st is actually the bad guy of the anime, An evil scientist that preys on weak children and causes their eggs to turn black, crushing them. His story was that he wanted to be a professor one day and create an amazing type of robot, He really wanted it, so his dream egg came out, but before the egg could hatch into a guardian, it was accidentally crushed by one of his failure robots, slowly due to time he was forced to give up on his dream due to societal and parental pressures, his egg never returned. I guess you can say failures are deadly if you do not know how to pick yourself up after one.
The 2nd character I can relate to is a stray cat like boy, who is so indifferent yet so not. Someone who keeps quite and keeps everything to himself because of the fear of getting hurt or hurting others. Someone who cant seem to place importance in himself yet places importance in others.
These seem like negative things for me to relate to, but I’m at a point in my life where I need something I can relate to, I need to understand what im feeling, because right now a lot of things to me just don’t make sense, and the more I question them, the more I get sting or at the very least a bunch of angry screams.
I know its all in my hand, but I don’t have the motivation to do anything about it, I seem to have lost that, along with reason.
Im not too sure how I am going to try to understand
I could be facing the worst reality check, but I don’t want to accept it. Why cant I dream, just for a bit longer?
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Cracked this morning worst and weak
Tears roll down from inside my cheek
Strange timing
Oppurtunity knocks
Sun comes up, paradox
Don't ask me if I'm hungry
I'm not sick
Somethings tearing me up
Brick by brick
And I feel guilty
as I sigh
I'm feeling guilty
Why do I?
Cracked this morning
worse and sad
Or have I already told you that
Forget my plans to grow a vine
You wern't dressed to burn these thoughts of mine
Tears roll down from inside my cheek
Strange timing
Oppurtunity knocks
Sun comes up, paradox
Don't ask me if I'm hungry
I'm not sick
Somethings tearing me up
Brick by brick
And I feel guilty
as I sigh
I'm feeling guilty
Why do I?
Cracked this morning
worse and sad
Or have I already told you that
Forget my plans to grow a vine
You wern't dressed to burn these thoughts of mine
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
pardon me while I burstinto flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burnand rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...I'll never be the same!
Pardon me while I burst...
I need you to hear,
I need you to see
that I have had all I can take
and exploding seems like a
DEFINITE possibility to me.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burnand rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...I'll never be the same!
Pardon me while I burst...
I need you to hear,
I need you to see
that I have had all I can take
and exploding seems like a
DEFINITE possibility to me.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Reflecting-questions-extermly random
Of late I have been asking people these questions that I have been asking myself, I never did tell anyone my answers but I am going to post some of them here now.
1) What are things I learnt from others this/last year?
Something I learnt last year is that always have a plan, making a plan only takes about 5 minutes, but it is the key to having a successful event, career, session, outing.
I learnt the importance of relevance and roles, everything in your life has to have a role, a purpose and if it doesnt then it shouldnt be in my life, or if it has a negative role it shouldn’t be in my life as well.
There is always a way to link A to B, I just have to find that link
2) What is something I want to teach people?
I want to teach people to never give up and to keep trying, I am a strong believer in second chances, mainly because I always get a second chance, and sometimes that is maybe all I need, a second chance.
3) What is something I learnt by myself?
I learnt I need to fail, I really did hurt to fail, It sucks that I had to fail really badly just to realize things about myself I didnt know, but I needed it, mainly because it made me aware of alot of things, also its because I need to learn how to deal with failure and how to pick up the lessons learnt and move on. Which I can be bad at doing sometimes
I learnt that I am not ready for alot of things, but I want to do them anyways mainly because I am not ready. I lost the fear of tasking on a task I know nothing about, because I know I will be able to work my way through
I guess for me these are the 3 main questions that I really felt like sharing.
more blog posts to come
1) What are things I learnt from others this/last year?
Something I learnt last year is that always have a plan, making a plan only takes about 5 minutes, but it is the key to having a successful event, career, session, outing.
I learnt the importance of relevance and roles, everything in your life has to have a role, a purpose and if it doesnt then it shouldnt be in my life, or if it has a negative role it shouldn’t be in my life as well.
There is always a way to link A to B, I just have to find that link
2) What is something I want to teach people?
I want to teach people to never give up and to keep trying, I am a strong believer in second chances, mainly because I always get a second chance, and sometimes that is maybe all I need, a second chance.
3) What is something I learnt by myself?
I learnt I need to fail, I really did hurt to fail, It sucks that I had to fail really badly just to realize things about myself I didnt know, but I needed it, mainly because it made me aware of alot of things, also its because I need to learn how to deal with failure and how to pick up the lessons learnt and move on. Which I can be bad at doing sometimes
I learnt that I am not ready for alot of things, but I want to do them anyways mainly because I am not ready. I lost the fear of tasking on a task I know nothing about, because I know I will be able to work my way through
I guess for me these are the 3 main questions that I really felt like sharing.
more blog posts to come
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