Try

You will never know what you are good at until you try, That’s true, but trying involves failing a lot, but then after failing a lot you begin to succeed. Sound so complicated this endless cycle of trying something new and failing in order to succeed.

Wouldn’t it be so much better if I could know what it is that I want to do in life? Because right now I Just don’t know, and I am just to tired to try! Not scared, just tired of going to the motions of trying something new and exciting, then failing at it or realizing that this is not what I want, then going back to square one and starting all over again. It takes time, and energy, and I feel like I can’t do it anymore.

But then you come along and remind me of why I was trying to hard to begin with… and All I can do it try...

However this time your not here to show me.....

All I know …Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives ….Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow …The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there … Wanting more from me …And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there … Wanting more from me …And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness … And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life … I thought I had designed for me

What do you do when your scared?

What do you do when your scared?

Over more than a year ago I got “The Book of answers” as a birthday gift from some of my friends, Which sort of resembles the magic 8 ball. You can ask a question, then randomly open a page and get the answer for your question. I’m pretty sure they bought it for me as a fun/joke kind of thing, but what they don’t know is the extent to which I use that book. I don’t think anyone knows!

The questions of the day is what do you do when you're scared? (well one of the questions of the day)

I’m like any average person, I must admit that I do have my moments when I’m scared shitless, and I don’t mean scared about that cockroach running across the room or taking an injection shot. Just plain scared about life and the consequences of an action I have to take, or scared about doing something good for me because if I fail, I may not be able to pick myself up again or on the next level, the people in my life may not be able to fix me this time and I will continue existing forever broken.

So what do I do when I am in that state?

Well apart from procrastinating and silently suffering, Since the last year, I actually turn to my book of answers to help me take a decision. Now I know some people may be thinking how can I leave such decisions up to a silly little book or Why doesn’t she talk to a friend I’m sure that would be more sensible than leaving it up to a random flip of page right? Well that is completely true but, what I came to understand about myself is that I do have a strong belief that everything happens for a reason, and we are exactly where we need to be in life right now. However that strong belief tends to leave me in my time of making a decision as I often find myself re-flipping the pages of my book of answers to find the answer that I want to hear (Well in this case read), which means that I have already made the decision on what to do (all by myself might I add), but doing this little abnormal tradition somehow reassures me that everything will be ok.

As I usually flip past my first, second or third answer (In many cases fourth, fifth, sixth, etc) and get angry at what I am reading, usually I question or reason with the book. Why the book is telling me to do this? why not? But I really want to do this! Its not so bad, If I fail I wouldn’t lose much, etc. All questions/justifications I should of stopped to ask/tell myself in the first place. I could of saved a lot of time, But I guess as a fellow human, It would have be un-natural if I made things very easy and simple for myself, as we are complicated creatures.

But I do some what finally understand that no matter what, everything will be ok, and things always do get better instead of worst. I also understand that even when I am scared the most, I am able or I have already made the decision of what is best for me, and I am not leaving life up to chance.

But seriously, what does everybody else do when they are scared?