Circle

“A circle is the reflection of eternity. It has no beginning and it has no end - and if you put several circles over each other, then you get a spiral. - Maynard James Keenan”

I have always been a circle type person. For me, they simply represent wholeness. Be it the completion of a cycle, the completion of a person or maybe completion in general. And the most beautiful part after completion is that you get start again, not the same circle but a new one.

If we sit down and reflect for a minute, and pile those invisible circles we have completed; the good ones as well as the bad ones; how high would our towers be? Are there any circles that you should be letting go off but you just can’t? Of course there are. It isn’t easy to let go of the flow of control, or to accept that this will be the end of something ever so precious, or even understand that this is what is meant to happen. I know. I myself have shed many tears about it.

 A while ago I something stupid. I am sure we all have at a certain point in our life. And I assure this wasn’t the first stupid thing I have done nor would it be the last. To put it in simpler terms, I held on to my own personal growth out of fear. I stopped myself from reaching my first step of completion because I was so scared that after the process I would still not be good enough. Sounds vague, and yet relatable doesn’t it?

I kept giving up. Whenever I was so close, whenever I was doing well, fear would come to play and assist me with giving up. It became routine that I actually felt comfortable being incomplete until my good old friend Life came knocking on my door with a bunch of reality checks. You see because I was stopping my personal growth from happening, I was indirectly killing my relationships, my career, and my future. And the fear of not being good enough eventually tracked me down to the point were, a) I really was not good enough and b) I could only use the excuse “it is because I gave up”.

For me, for a while that tower of circles never got built, because I never let anything come to wholeness. At most, all the circles in my life ended up grouping together to form chains around me keeping me down. But it wasn’t the end of the world.  All I needed to do was complete them one at a time. Sounds easy right? Let me reaffirm that it is that easy actually, and things are much better. While I do have some days where I feel that I am still not good enough, there have been days that I can stand my ground. All I have to remember is, it’s ok to handle this one circle at a time, it’s ok to let go and that all good and bad things come to an end.