Questions

To help or be helped? I am usually “be helped”… To be honest i’m lost (not sad, depressed or in misery just lost), I usually am, but I am guessing that it’s part of being alive… I think? So many questions that I do not have the answer too, but I guess if someone else did maybe it might help me a little bit, so I am asking, to those that don’t mind sharing, to answer what ever you can

1) What is love? Spiritually and scientifically?

2) Are we all really the best we can be?

3) Why is it we have to be cruel to be kind sometimes?

4) What is a balanced life? And how can you achieve it?

5) What makes people good? And what makes people bad? Are we really the right people to judge?

6) What is control? How can we let go?

7) They say that self confidence and self love is directly related to each other, I love myself, but still not ready to come out of my shell, what does that mean? That I truly don’t love myself?

8) If so how does one love themselves?

9) What is talent? How do we define it? How do we know if we have any…

10) We say we are sad all the time, but honestly are we truly sad?

11) What is the end result of it all?

12) What is the best we can be? And how do we know we are at our best?

13) What does marriage mean? And why do we get married?

14) What does being pregnant feel like?

15) How does it feel to hold your first child?

16) How can you know who you are without looking through the eyes of another?

17) What is the true definition of strength?

18) Are we truly living?

19) What are we so scared of?

20) What are the things we have control off and what are the things we don’t have control over? How do we recognize that and just let go?

21) How does one invest in themselves?

22) What if people you respect and admire, start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she/he is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

23) Can we really truly define things as right or wrong?

I walk alone part 2

“You know Hachi, your life depends only on ourselves. I’m still convinced about this… But I’ve also learned to accept that people… don’t all become as strong, and it made me kinder than before." — Ai Yazawa


I have always believed that people are strong in their own ways, and I am sure I am strong in my own way as well! But seriously how do we define strength? What is the criteria for calling a person strong?

This I still don’t know, So for now all I can do is stand by my decisions and believe that the outcome of it all will be the best.

Continuing what I said before, I still walk alone.

Not because I can, but maybe because I cant.
Not because I am comfortable doing so, but rather I don’t know how to.
Not because I hate people, but because I love them.
And lastly, Not because I have nothing to lose or nothing to gain, but because I want to learn to protect everyone.

In my own way, this journey by myself, I am sure it will make me stronger. I’m sure it will push my limits, and make me see things in a new perspective, and I am sure at the end of it all, it will make me kinder, Because at the end of the day, the only thing I want to be, the only thing I want to do, is be the best person I can ever be, to myself and to others.

Questions

I am normally not to good about talking about things or explaining them very well. Been having a rollercoaster trend in life right now, and I guess I wanted to get some help with it.

You see, I cant really say I am sad, or depressed, but I cant truly say that I am happy either.

Why? Can I pin point the exact thing that makes me sad or shall I say “doesn’t make me completely happy”, not really.
I know we live in a imperfect world and are surrounded by imperfect things, and that we ourselves are imperfect, but I wonder, am I suppose to settle for imperfect happiness because of that?

My world kind of seems like a bucket of white paint, that has a thin, slow and steady line of black paint being added to it over time, making me view the world with grey impure eyes, as if I am always in the twilight.
What does it mean to truly be happy?

I don’t understand, and that’s why I search for it, that’s why I wake up and do the things I need to do, and that why I try to improve myself, and I really do try so damn hard.

But what if all I do just goes about bring a negative impact for myself? and what if the stories and experience I can share with others brings about tears, rather than smiles? What if I end up adding some black paint into someone’s pure white paint? What if I become completely black in my search for true happiness? What if I never truly smile from the bottom of my heart or make someone else smile from the bottom of their heart?

Questions I keep asking myself that make me sadder ...

Back to Basics – Part 2

So this time its for real, I am really back to basics.

My Blackberry broke, and I am without connectivity, I do not plan to repair it, nor do I plan to replace it. I am actually happy with my simple china made phone that cant do much but call from (Heck I can’t even change the ring tone).

Now what? Let me just tell you, as easy as it is thought to be, readjusting from once using a sort of smart phone to not being able to use one is tougher than it seems.

I know that I do have option of going out and getting one, but I am trying my best not too, Why, because there are things you learn by not being connected.

1) I did learn that I was being very irresponsible at work by being on my phone all the time, I was just hitting my deadlines, but that’s not good enough at all, That’s like giving everything an average performance, while you except everyone (or thing) to give you an excellent performance. The world just doesn’t work like that.

2) I realized that I was being more available to others and not available to myself, and I was more tempted to go out and have fun, instead of staying in and doing something more productive, I was always pushing my problems a side to listen to others problems.

3) I spent more time reading garage than reading anything useful, The same messages with different wording, sent day in and day out, there was a time when I would come back home from work and take a book of my bookshelf’s and read, then Smartphones came into action, and the only reading I have been doing was from emails, messages, facebook and twitter.

4) I lost contact with people who did not have any sort of Smartphone, because it was too out of the way to make an effort to contact. And I wasted my time with the wrong people, people who haven’t been in contact with me every since my blackberry broke, people who I cared a lot for, but I know would not call me to check on me ever.

If I be really honest these aren’t big changes at all, but a lot of small changes can always lead to one big change, and right now I am just trying to be the best person I can be with my own abilities, and if I find even the slightest negative influence, and thing or person taking me in the wrong direction, I wont hesitate to cut them out.

I walk alone

They often say that a problem shared is half the trouble. We all tend to live our lives, walking hand in hand, lending our strength and also sharing someone else’s strength.

But here is what I am saying, no matter what, no matter how painful, no matter how lonely, I choose and will walk alone.

For  awhile, at least until I am able to walk on my own two feet without anyone’s help, and until I learn to fly.

Until then I will walk alone. (Or fly alone).

I'm looking to the sky to save me, Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright, I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying, Make my way back home when I learn to fly high

Make my way back home when I learn to. .  

 Foo Fighters – learn to fly 

Flash Back

It all started with words “Do you trust me” it was enough to let me forget all the fears I have had at that point of time. How often is it that we can find safety in the eyes of someone you barely know? Someone who isn’t a friend and yet who isn’t a stranger.

I would say from personal experience that not so often, and there you where. Standing in front of me, when you had the world to choose from, asking me to trust you. How could I not feel safe in your arms?

Many years have passed since then, and I have met many people during those years, I have established trusting friendships and relationships that I can fall back on. I have a steady career path since then and safety and comfort in life.

And yet sometimes, when I close my eyes, I still see you standing there with an out stretched arm asking me to trust you.