I walk alone

Questions

2011-11-28T16:06:00.000+03:00

To help or be helped? I am usually “be helped”… To be honest i’m lost (not sad, depressed or in misery just lost), I usually am, but I am guessing that it’s part of being alive… I think? So many questions that I do not have the answer too, but I guess if someone else did maybe it might help me a little bit, so I am asking, to those that don’t mind sharing, to answer what ever you can

1) What is love? Spiritually and scientifically?

2) Are we all really the best we can be?

3) Why is it we have to be cruel to be kind sometimes?

4) What is a balanced life? And how can you achieve it?

5) What makes people good? And what makes people bad? Are we really the right people to judge?

6) What is control? How can we let go?

7) They say that self confidence and self love is directly related to each other, I love myself, but still not ready to come out of my shell, what does that mean? That I truly don’t love myself?

8) If so how does one love themselves?

9) What is talent? How do we define it? How do we know if we have any…

10) We say we are sad all the time, but honestly are we truly sad?

11) What is the end result of it all?

12) What is the best we can be? And how do we know we are at our best?

13) What does marriage mean? And why do we get married?

14) What does being pregnant feel like?

15) How does it feel to hold your first child?

16) How can you know who you are without looking through the eyes of another?

17) What is the true definition of strength?

18) Are we truly living?

19) What are we so scared of?

20) What are the things we have control off and what are the things we don’t have control over? How do we recognize that and just let go?

21) How does one invest in themselves?

22) What if people you respect and admire, start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she/he is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

23) Can we really truly define things as right or wrong?

I walk alone part 2

2011-11-09T14:46:00.000+03:00

“You know Hachi, your life depends only on ourselves. I’m still convinced about this… But I’ve also learned to accept that people… don’t all become as strong, and it made me kinder than before." — Ai Yazawa

I have always believed that people are strong in their own ways, and I am sure I am strong in my own way as well! But seriously how do we define strength? What is the criteria for calling a person strong?

This I still don’t know, So for now all I can do is stand by my decisions and believe that the outcome of it all will be the best.

Continuing what I said before, I still walk alone.

Not because I can, but maybe because I cant.
Not because I am comfortable doing so, but rather I don’t know how to.
Not because I hate people, but because I love them.
And lastly, Not because I have nothing to lose or nothing to gain, but because I want to learn to protect everyone.

In my own way, this journey by myself, I am sure it will make me stronger. I’m sure it will push my limits, and make me see things in a new perspective, and I am sure at the end of it all, it will make me kinder, Because at the end of the day, the only thing I want to be, the only thing I want to do, is be the best person I can ever be, to myself and to others.

Questions

2011-09-14T15:34:00.001+03:00

I am normally not to good about talking about things or explaining them very well. Been having a rollercoaster trend in life right now, and I guess I wanted to get some help with it.

You see, I cant really say I am sad, or depressed, but I cant truly say that I am happy either.

Why? Can I pin point the exact thing that makes me sad or shall I say “doesn’t make me completely happy”, not really.
I know we live in a imperfect world and are surrounded by imperfect things, and that we ourselves are imperfect, but I wonder, am I suppose to settle for imperfect happiness because of that?

My world kind of seems like a bucket of white paint, that has a thin, slow and steady line of black paint being added to it over time, making me view the world with grey impure eyes, as if I am always in the twilight.
What does it mean to truly be happy?

I don’t understand, and that’s why I search for it, that’s why I wake up and do the things I need to do, and that why I try to improve myself, and I really do try so damn hard.

But what if all I do just goes about bring a negative impact for myself? and what if the stories and experience I can share with others brings about tears, rather than smiles? What if I end up adding some black paint into someone’s pure white paint? What if I become completely black in my search for true happiness? What if I never truly smile from the bottom of my heart or make someone else smile from the bottom of their heart?

Questions I keep asking myself that make me sadder ...

Back to Basics – Part 2

2011-08-28T12:12:00.001+03:00

So this time its for real, I am really back to basics.

My Blackberry broke, and I am without connectivity, I do not plan to repair it, nor do I plan to replace it. I am actually happy with my simple china made phone that cant do much but call from (Heck I can’t even change the ring tone).

Now what? Let me just tell you, as easy as it is thought to be, readjusting from once using a sort of smart phone to not being able to use one is tougher than it seems.

I know that I do have option of going out and getting one, but I am trying my best not too, Why, because there are things you learn by not being connected.

1) I did learn that I was being very irresponsible at work by being on my phone all the time, I was just hitting my deadlines, but that’s not good enough at all, That’s like giving everything an average performance, while you except everyone (or thing) to give you an excellent performance. The world just doesn’t work like that.

2) I realized that I was being more available to others and not available to myself, and I was more tempted to go out and have fun, instead of staying in and doing something more productive, I was always pushing my problems a side to listen to others problems.

3) I spent more time reading garage than reading anything useful, The same messages with different wording, sent day in and day out, there was a time when I would come back home from work and take a book of my bookshelf’s and read, then Smartphones came into action, and the only reading I have been doing was from emails, messages, facebook and twitter.

4) I lost contact with people who did not have any sort of Smartphone, because it was too out of the way to make an effort to contact. And I wasted my time with the wrong people, people who haven’t been in contact with me every since my blackberry broke, people who I cared a lot for, but I know would not call me to check on me ever.

If I be really honest these aren’t big changes at all, but a lot of small changes can always lead to one big change, and right now I am just trying to be the best person I can be with my own abilities, and if I find even the slightest negative influence, and thing or person taking me in the wrong direction, I wont hesitate to cut them out.

I walk alone

2011-06-24T01:36:00.000+03:00

They often say that a problem shared is half the trouble. We all tend to live our lives, walking hand in hand, lending our strength and also sharing someone else’s strength.

But here is what I am saying, no matter what, no matter how painful, no matter how lonely, I choose and will walk alone.

For awhile, at least until I am able to walk on my own two feet without anyone’s help, and until I learn to fly.

Until then I will walk alone. (Or fly alone).

I'm looking to the sky to save me, Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright, I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying, Make my way back home when I learn to fly high

Make my way back home when I learn to. .

Foo Fighters – learn to fly

Flash Back

2011-06-24T00:58:00.000+03:00

It all started with words “Do you trust me” it was enough to let me forget all the fears I have had at that point of time. How often is it that we can find safety in the eyes of someone you barely know? Someone who isn’t a friend and yet who isn’t a stranger.

I would say from personal experience that not so often, and there you where. Standing in front of me, when you had the world to choose from, asking me to trust you. How could I not feel safe in your arms?

Many years have passed since then, and I have met many people during those years, I have established trusting friendships and relationships that I can fall back on. I have a steady career path since then and safety and comfort in life.

And yet sometimes, when I close my eyes, I still see you standing there with an out stretched arm asking me to trust you.

Back to the future

2010-09-10T10:34:00.001+03:00

Silhouettes dance for me on the walls of my hotel room, they tell me stories about “what if?” and the endless possible endings.

Reminiscing about the past as I lay on my bed, I think of the days when all I needed to go out and have a good time was 300 fils (which is less than a dollar). It was enough for a can of coke, a pack of crisp and a phone call to get a ride home.

It was in those days that we held our heads high and proud, because of the many mistakes we have made, and the innocence of just not knowing better, that accompanied us where ever we went.

And as we walked down the streets of our favorite hangouts, little did we know that those where the days that we decided who and what we are and will be in the many years to come.

And because of that we will walk like Kings and Queens, with pride in ourselves for the rest of our lives, But only if we remember to, and not youthfully disregard our past and the many decisions we had made in the previous years to defined us to our very core.

It makes me realize of the lies put forwards my silhouettes, about the endless possibilities of maybe. How defined would we be if we kept playing on a maybe? And didn’t we already decide that we are going to be happy?

Circles & Chances

2010-07-16T01:28:00.002+03:00

Truth be told, I was having a rough day yesterday, but it was nothing that couldn’t be fixed, My final thoughts for the night where circles and chances.

A friend once told me something that roughly translate to this: " if you have a problem, or if you have something you want to achieve (New House, Car, Amazing Job, etc, etc) you need to create a circle of influence."

A circle of influence is made of people (Friends or strangers) that can actually help you achieve what needs to be achieved. The theory is that you talk about what you want to achieve to the correct people that can help you make it happen.

It’s kind of like for example, You wanting a new job. How are people going to know that you are looking for a new job if you did not tell them? You would be missing out on the many opportunities that could have presented it’s self to you because no one knows that you are looking for a new job.

Going back to what I was saying earlier, If there is something I want or need, I should have a circle of influence to help with me it, and for the past couple of years I have spent a bit of time building up circle of influences for different things in my life, and I have come to realize 2 things (well maybe more, but there is only 2 I want to talk about)

This first thing is, Not everyone you know and meet belong in your circle of influence. What I mean by this is that, Sometimes the people you love the most in life are not good for your circle of influence and sometimes the strangers you meet in a random shop could be the ones to help you achieve what you have been trying to achieve. Why? Well that’s something you have to sit and figure out yourselves.

And the second thing, At the end of the day it all comes down to individual creativity and the chances that you are able to make the most of. The failure to express how your mind works at the right given opportunity is a clear failure to yourself representation and what you want to achieve.

It’s safe to say that the reason why some things have been working out for me, is because I am surrounded by the correct people I need to be surrounded by. In all fairness to them they are amazing, and I am glad to know them.

"In my dream, the angel shrugged and said, if we fail this time, it will be a failure of imagination and then she placed the world gently in the palm of my hand." — Brian Andreas

again

2010-05-17T10:19:00.000+03:00

Again, I can’t help but mention that I am far from it and I know it. In fact I think by now you know it as well.

This time I was so close, and now I am yet again so close to nothingness.

Months and months of crafting the perfect balance, only to be broken in 5 minutes.

I know what you would say to me, start over again, if you keep learning what not to do, you will eventually learn what you should be doing.

But right now I can’t, I just can’t.

And Again I ask you, why is that we cry without know what exactly we are crying about?

“ Little angel go away, Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today, I'll never hear a word you say
Promised I would find a little solace, And some peace of mind
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so …Desperate and ravenous, So weak and powerless - Perfect Circle “

Until I am Fine

2010-05-09T23:58:00.000+03:00

Been trying for the past hour to actually write down how I am feeling right about now, and all I have is the below lyrics. I wish I could fade away until I am fine.

I don’t want to fight anymore, or assure anyone that everything will be better. I don’t want to decided, or deal with confusion, mine or others. I don’t want to go past tomorrow. Today is the maximum I can do. I don’t want to push for greatness, mine or others, simple is what I can handle right now. I don’t want to lose or win. I just want to nothing everthing.

So tired I think I may actually fall asleep today.

" Don't ask me if I'm hungry, I'm not sick
Something’s tearing me apart, Brick by brick
And I feel guilty as I sigh, I'm feeling guilty, Why do I?
Take your hands out of mine
Take a rope and tie these thoughts of mine down
Until I'm fine
Cracked this morning worse and sad
Or have I already told you that
Forget my plans to grow a vine
You weren't dressed to burn these thoughts of mine
Until I'm fine - K's Choice"

Silent Night

2010-05-08T05:15:00.000+03:00

Close to 5 am in the morning, and I am sleepless in Bahrain! I hear the birds chirping outside, they must all be ready to wake up, and yet I don’t seem ready go to sleep.

Been sick for the past few days, getting better and also getting worst. Antibiotics seem to be a bit too strong for me, They make me want to throw up. But Alas I can breathe again without any worries. This also could be the reason for me not being able to sleep.

There is something about the silent night that makes you think about the sad truth of life (or shall I say my life as thoughts will change according to people)

Here is what I have learnt tonight,

They don’t teach you everything you need to know about life at school, they seem to have forgotten the important bits.

Not everything is black and white, after awhile everything seems to turn to grey and your left in the confusion of all this grayness.

What cures you for one thing could make you sick with another thing.

When love is involved everything else becomes so worthless and when it dies everything else still remains worthless.

Unfortunately sometimes we must do wrong things, even if we are not proud of them or hated for it, it has to been done, and that’s just the way things work.

That not choosing is the laziest choice you can ever make, because it entitles others to choose for you, thus giving you the option to blame someone else if anything goes wrong in your life.

You cannot sacrifice yourself for someone you love, because you don’t realize how much pain you will be forcing on to them, especially if they see you hurting because of that.

5.14 am, I really need to fall asleep otherwise I will miss the rest of my weekend!

“I may be dumb but, I'm not stupid ...Trying to make this work by Rihanna - Stupid in love”

meh

2010-04-19T18:44:00.000+03:00

I have recently discovered that I am too technologically advance for my liking, that I am too connected and in tune with what’s going on around me, and That things rarely can surprise me these days.

I don’t like it. You know the whole being available to people whenever, wherever, mainly because I’m not.

I miss the paper notes and letters from friends, or the late night calls from the house phone, or the meeting spot that everyone would automatically go to meet everyone.

So I have decided to go on a mini technology fast. I have started by not signing on to facebook and switching off blackberry messenger. I am not sure what it will grow in to or how long I will last, but I know that taking a step back is my way of moving forward. I know it wouldn’t get back the small childish things that I used like, but going back to the days when you physically used to hang out with friends rather that have a relationship with a mobile portable equipment is kind of what I want to achieve.

And if you are wondering how my notes are getting published without me signing on to facebook, my blog automatically updates my facebook notes whenever I have a new post.

My stand

2010-04-19T18:36:00.000+03:00

I am beginning to think that the world has problems with individualism! With people who are capable of just being them selves.

Everybody has categories and labels, and if you don’t fit into one then earth will spin out of order, fly into the sun, destroy that ball of burning flames, and then we will all dehydrate to death because there will be no more water…. unless we move to the moon or mars???

Did you guys ever consider that being unique is also a category “SLASH” a label? I mean sure us unique people don’t seem to have anything in common, but duh it is maybe because we are unique!

I really want to be free to choose who I want to be, where I want to be, with whom I want to be with, How I would like to be with them, etc, etc, and if you have a problem with it is fine, because what others think of me is not my problem, it’s theirs.

I am not a pervert! I am a super pervert! – Jiraiya (Naruto)

Fighter

2010-04-19T18:33:00.000+03:00

I think for the past few months, I have spent a lot of time just fighting, But what is it that I fight for?

I fight for pride, respect, and for my rights.

I fight because I think I am worth it, I fight because think I am not.

I fight for you even though you do not see it, even when you don’t fight for me.

I fight because I want to become stronger and people I have people I want to protect.

I fight for Dreams, smiles, tears, and pain, mine and yours.

But most of all I fight because I feel so dead otherwise, because the things you are passionate about are the things worth fighting for, and without them the world just seems to be so empty.

“Thought I would forget but I, I remember! I Remember!
Makes me that much stronger, Makes me work a little bit harder, Makes me that much wiser thanks for making me a fighter!”

Desperately

2010-04-19T18:32:00.000+03:00

What we want is not what we are meant to have, Basic rule of life that I have been over and over again. I always want what I can’t have and I always need what I don’t want.

The thing is I know that you are so wrong, and that I should stay away, but yet I can’t help wanting you. So what do I do now? How far will I need to be running this time? I don’t not know, but I am running.

“ why can’t ignore it? I keep giving in, But I should know better, cause there was something about the way you looked at me, and its strange that things change, but not me wanting you so desperately”

Where do we do from here?

2010-02-10T08:45:00.001+03:00

In need of a drastic change! I think everyone around me is in need of one( on a side note Tima Piercing your left ear’s cartilage is not what classifies as a drastic change!). Depression is in the air, should we just blame it on the weather? I don’t know, but what I do know, is that things will get better, It always does. In fact I think that I am feeling a lot better this week as compared to last week, though I still have the major question unanswered. “What’s Next?”

I have

3 Years of Education in Banking & Finance
3 Years of AIESEC Experience in Branding, Project Management, Team Management, Communication, Talent Management & External Relation
2 and a Half Years of Work Experience in a Call Centre
2 Years of Work Experience in Insurance

Which makes me pretty diverse, But really, what comes after all this? What am I going to do next? It seems to be a constant process of deciding for the rest of our lives.

I think for now I will just go ahead with doing what I like to do best, it seems to be the only way around. It maybe seen as slacking of, but I think I find a lot of comfort in the moment of now.

" Where do we go from here?
The battle's done, and we kind of won, So we sound our victory che -er.
Where do we go from here?
Why is the path unclear? When we know home is near? Understand we'll go hand-in-hand, But we'll walk alone in fear. Tell me!
Where do we go from here? "

Apology

2010-01-24T13:43:00.000+03:00

I seem to have said the wrong thing at the wrong time, Or Maybe the truth at the wrong time.

The truth was my own and only applied to myself, I didn’t realize the damage until it was done.

When the glass is about to break you shouldn’t be the one that throws the rock that actually breaks it, because the glass pieces are too sharp to pick up and fix again.

And here we are standing in the middle of all of this broken glass, one slight move could and we could end up getting hurt, but we will never be able to move on without walking through all of this broken glass. There isn’t anything to protect us from it.

For that I am sorry we have to go through this together, when I was the one the threw the stone.

Truth is a whisper and only a choice, Nobody hears above this noise
Always a risk when you try and believe, I know there's so much more than me

Yeah I got caught in the ruse of the world, It's just a promise no one ever keeps
And now it's changing while we sleep, And no one can see

You know all I am, Feel this moment in you
You know all I am, Can you teach me to believe in something

Against the Hourglass

2010-01-18T12:59:00.001+03:00

Time’s almost up, as I am yet again reaching another do or die moment in my life. Struggling against my fight against the hour glass, the pressure is on, and no one can help me, In the end it has to be me that decides.

However deciding hasn’t been one of my strongest points, and the result of all those, late night cups of coffee, walks up and down in the dark empty rooms of midnight, and the many disturbing sleep visions that haunt me every night; is just more panic and pressure.

The problem with you telling me that I can be whatever I want, is that the possibilities are endless, and the problem with them telling me all that I can’t be, is me craving for it.

And what’s worst than me admitting that I am no were close to understanding myself, is the screams from my reflection in the mirror. She tells me that even though we do look the same, she can barely recognize me anymore, and here I am suppose to decide….

It’s time for me to decide who I am going to be tomorrow… and the hour glass is almost empty, will I make that decision on time?

Try - part 2

2010-01-11T10:21:00.002+03:00

The world is against you, they watch your every move.. waiting for you to fall… and all I have been doing is falling.
Falling…. It’s so easy to fall. To just let go of everything and say I am incapable, however what’s more important is what we do after we fall.
Should I lay down flat in the dirt.. or do I recognize that this is not where I should be and get up.

For now I am lying flat down face in the dirt, blindly not recognizing that this is not where I should be.
But tomorrow is a different day.

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

Another MEH moment

2010-01-06T13:42:00.000+03:00

I would like to think that not hearing from you for all time is completely fine, and that I really don’t miss you at all, and that I am way past the point of caring… but that not true is it? I might be the most pathetic person to be constantly making up excuses on your behalf, or silently cringing at messages sent from others because they aren’t from you…It’s not that you have any importance in my life these days, but I still miss you…

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)

My 50

2010-01-04T15:57:00.004+03:00

This post is kind of a contribution, from 2 of my friends. The first one asked me to write down 50 things I want to do in my life, I thought about it, and had come up with the below, Then I sent it to another friend of mine to ask if there was anything on my list that he could help me with... He replied back and I just couldn't help putthing his reply on my blog... enjoy folks! I just love him so much!

1. To be able to instantly focus and not procrastinate when work is given to me hehe when u do let me know how u did it
2. To Write a book write a page each day
3. To paint on the biggest canvas I can buy in Bahrain does walls count as canvas we can do it early in the morning when no ones looking
4. To Visit Japan me too , ok if anyone of us gets to go will take the other along
5. To Visit Australia hmm we will go on the way to japan
6. To Visit Canada good choice
7. To Visit Philippines dont hav to visit AMA uni
8. To Visit UK can help whenever u want we can plan it together
9. To Visit Netherland hmm we hav to see
10. To Visit USA its not worth it check the new rules we are one of the 14 countries to be searched by pading
11. To Visit Jordan didnt u do it already
12. To lose weight just walk everyday and cut down on junk food. dont stop but cut down
13. To run a marathon ur on ur own i can harrdly run to the bathroom
14. To facilitate a life changing session thats easy invite some friends over take a knife put it on kats neck then take it off there u saved her life
15. To be more organized hmm buy a digital organizer or use outlook to organize
16. To re-decorate my room buy a new desklamp =p
17. To improve my relationship with my family nod and agree to everything they say it works for me
18. To always see the positive of things hmm cant help here
19. To further my education me too
20. To write 100 posts in my blog ur getting there
21. To gain 2,000 visitors in my blog pay ppl to visit ur blog
22. To earn a salary of BD 2,000 before the age of 40 i see u getting more than that
23. To get my motorbike license lets concentrate on ur car skills first ;)
24. To own my dream car how can u own ur dream car and its in ur dream silly girl dreams are not real
25. To own my dream motorbike see 24
26. To redecorate my room go back to 16
27. To Have my own personal library in my home take a book from each of ur friends
28. To watch someone turn their life around and be told it is because of me u already did that
29. To own all the books that Brain Andreas has published! i dont think he has every book he published
30. To inspire people with words. u do that on a daily basis already
31. To never believe that life is harsh and reality is bad. get in line
32. To be on time always. take less bathroom breaks
33. To always be responsible and reasonable that time will cure
34. To Improve my photoshop skills keep practicing
35. To learn to master a new computer software every 6 months be more realistic no one can , do one per year
36. To buy a house… and work hard to make it a home good luck i am trying
37. To organize and be apart of a children’s reading group go do it
38. To be self confident always u have to fell good about urself first
39. To Try something new when ever the opportunity is presented just say yes
40. To always be true to myself
41. To always help when people need it u always do that
42. To pay forward all the help I go in my life see 41
43. To be well respected more than now?
44. To go bungee jumping we will go together
45. To go sky diving see 44
46. To go scuba diving we will go when i come to bahrain
47. To own a horse why they stink believe me
48. To always wake up and feel like the luckiest person alive u should
49. To help someone build a home sorry dear we can help decorate it
50. To teach someone something I know a lot about u taught me things about life i didnt know

I am Thinking maybe I need to re-look at my list and make some adjustments

Better days

2010-01-04T14:31:00.000+03:00

And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

- Goo Goo Dolls

Here’s to the first post of 2010. I really could not think of what else I wanted to add about the new year, except lets just make sure that we have more good days than bad.

Cheers to the Laughter, Sadness, Excitement, disappointment, Frustration, Amusement, Fulfillment, Joy, Loneliness and Insecurity of 2010…

Tima's did you knows

2009-12-29T16:52:00.000+03:00

I feel like I am in a sharing mood today…. I am not sure what would come out of this but here is goes.

Did you know

That for awhile in my life, there was a period that I couldn’t say I miss you or I love you to people. In fact I made sure I never said it, even if I did.

That I also, didn’t hug people or lean on people or have much skin contact with people during that same period.

That my biggest fear, that I kept from everyone, is the fear of losing my hands and eyes, and that I really don’t mind losing any other body parts.

That I am not afraid to die, but I really enjoy living.

That the time I feel the most safe is at Sunrise.

That the worst gift a person could give me is flowers, manly because it makes me really sad when they die.

That I always used to sing the “wishing on a star chant” but never ever make a wish.

That a starry night can make me cry because of it’s beauty.

That if I start listening to a song mid way I can’t enjoy it, even if it’s the best part.

That I really don’t fully understand most of the human emotions, and I don’t know how to act according to each emotion.

That one of the best moments in life for me is, greeting your friends, and seeing genuine appreciation and love for you in their eyes, and knowing you don’t have to be told how much you mean to them because, you can see it in their eyes.

That I used to secretly cry for animal’s pain and people’s pain when they got hurt.

That now I try to be funny and make jokes about it (doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain).

That is hurts me the most, when people tell me they didn’t feel the need to tell me something at the time, because they already knew they have my support and understanding, as I am a good friend OR that they didn’t want to trouble/worry me.

That I hate it when people I care about don’t trust me, it really offends me. Especially with directions!!

That when I start asking a person random questions, it means that I am pretty comfortable with them.

That I need to always find one good thing about a person, no matter how bad the person is.

That I am not afraid to tell someone how important they are to me.

That once I make a decision I follow it through, no matter how tough (but I do complain about it a lot).

That I get scared a lot.

That I really do love and enjoy getting random orange presents from people.

That one of the happiest childhood memories, involves me and a friend of mine re-painting our home, I think we did a damn good job with the paint.

That only I could get something apparently “positive” and be so angry at the reason it was given to me.

That I have a strong sense if justice.

That I am stubborn (many don’t know this).

That another one of my happiest childhood memories is my high school friends holding me down, putting make up on me, and taking me to seef mall to show me off. (I really hated it that the time though)

That I wake up most of the time feeling like the luckiest person alive (and then I remember I have to go to work an go into depression), doesn’t mean that I forget that I am the luckiest person alive.

That I hate talking on the phone, but when is someone I love, I find it hard to hang up.

That there are 2 guys that made a huge difference in my life, and I have never told them that, even though I still talk to them every other day.

That I will help anyone that asks for it (even an enemy), provided that I don’t lose anything in the process.

That someone important to me gave me a pokemon card during a meaningful hang out, and doesn’t know much I got back to it and think about that day over and over again, and the chain of events that lead us to be friends.

That I am not sure why I felt the need to write this, but am glad I did anyways……

Gaming Life

2009-12-24T11:24:00.000+03:00

What are the rules? I said
and she said, Do exactly what I want whenever I want, make no demands of me whatsoever and love me forever, no questions asked
and I said, how do you win?
and she said, you don't understand. I'm the only one who wins & then she laughed & clapped her hands.
Isn't it a great game? she said."
- Brian Andreas

I can never decided if Life is a game or not, I mean people are always giving me quotes like “life is a game, be careful not to game over” and other cheesy ones I can’t really remember/ I don’t even want to remember.

There are also times that I have been told life is not a game, this is the real deal, if you mess up there is no going back.

But in the context of being selfish (as people often are), if I were to say my life is a game, the rules is that I am the only one that wins.

Storm

2009-12-14T11:34:00.001+03:00

Something I wrote sometime back, but haven’t had the time to post it until today/ I haven’t felt weird enough to post it until today.

I am fine right? I don’t feel sick, Had enough sleep today, I am eating regular meals, exercising… But I’m not sure why I feel like I am in the center of the storm?

Someone used to tell me we live in seconds. Our happiest moment in life is separated from our saddest just by a second. If I expand on that theory can I say that in an hour there are 3600 times or shall I say moments that I could experience, and in those 3600 moments, I could experience one of the 8 basic human emotions, or the dozens of other complex emotions.

For some reason it seems unrealistic until your stuck in a state where your emotions are changing by the second. Right now I am feeling, Sad, Angry, Distant, Tired, Scared, Despair, Desire, Indifferent, Hopeless, Yearning, Dependent, and a few other ones that I can’t seem to find the words to describe, However.. 10 minutes have passed since I type this, and I am pretty sure I can’t feel all of those emotions at once... maybe if I combine all of them together I guess you can say I am over whelmed, but I am saying this on the 11th minute…? It just maybe possible to live in seconds, or more realistically in “ the now ” which we call our present. The now that is constantly changing.

The human emotions and way of living is hard and complex to understand, finding inner peace, and self happiness now seems like a myth…Realizing all this what do I do? Well I Smile, What else is there to do? And what's the use of crying when you can still find that life worthwhile. When you still find your able to look into your friend’s and ..some family member’s, in the eye and be truly happy that you know them and that they are in your life. When your able to feel your existence in their smile to you, and seeing it make you feel that every thing is going to be alright.

Why so serious

2009-12-13T09:31:00.000+03:00

When one of your clients calls you up on your work extension and says “ Pussy Cat what are you doing? “ you stop, laugh and ask your self why the hell have you been taking life so seriously.

Oh yeah and about that call don’t worry the person wasn’t referring to me, they were really referring to their cat. What happened is that the mobile accidentally dialed my number without them realizing that, I answered the phone while they where in the middle of a conversation with their cat, I sat for maybe about 5 minutes enjoying the conversation. Well I guess now instead cringing every time when I see that person’s number on my caller ID when they are calling, I will still be struggling not to laugh.

But really, going back to the main topic, what happen to work hard and party hard? We/I have been so focused about my future that I am completely neglecting my present. I find myself constantly thinking boring, boring stuff, which are important, however life draining. I say screw it, you can’t say your alive if you just are constantly planning to live. No more I can’t, I won’t!

Goodbye

2009-12-09T08:49:00.000+03:00

You’ve already lost me, and I am not coming back.

I don’t understand how you were able to drive a person away by trying so much, isn’t trying suppose to make it all better.

But then again, I think that, that was the price you were willing to pay in order to get what you want.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter to you that you have now become nothing more than an awkward glance down a hallway, a distant memory of what was, A reflection in the mirror you can no longer recognize.

All I can say to you now is goodbye, I’ve packed up and left long before you’ve realized.

Crossing lines

2009-12-06T15:23:00.001+03:00

"I have too much to lose, she said, if I cross that line. Like what? I said. She could not think of anything that day so she said she'd get back to me. Since then I've been thinking what I would lose if I cross my line & I haven't come up with anything either. There's always another line somewhere. – Brian Andreas”

It’s funny, the amount of limitations we tend to put on ourselves. Always thinking about the things we can’t do rather than all that we can do. But what do we really have to lose? Is it really so much easier to hide in the safety of labels? Am I being reckless with my life if I cross that line? Will I hurt you if I take one more step?

I don’t know.

What I do know is, looking pass all of those labels and all of the limitations put forward by my “I cant’s”, I am larger than life, But right now through sense of reasoning, I have limited myself to just barely surviving.

Why does it scare me to cross lines, when I know I could be living so much better?

It could be the sense of belong to a particular label? The “all for one and one for all” masquerade that we tell ourselves everyday whilst sitting among family and friends, Or maybe it’s the comfort of never having to fail/get hurt, just because your never really tried to begin with? It could also be, that we are so afraid of change because it is something new and different, and that we just don’t know what to expect from it….

Whatever it could be, I just know that I wasted so much time not crossing lines, and now that I think about it, What did I really have to lose? And Why did I have to wait so long to cross the simplest lines?

What happens now that I know this? Another question that will remain unanswered for the moment.

Try

2009-11-17T13:26:00.004+03:00

You will never know what you are good at until you try, That’s true, but trying involves failing a lot, but then after failing a lot you begin to succeed. Sound so complicated this endless cycle of trying something new and failing in order to succeed.

Wouldn’t it be so much better if I could know what it is that I want to do in life? Because right now I Just don’t know, and I am just to tired to try! Not scared, just tired of going to the motions of trying something new and exciting, then failing at it or realizing that this is not what I want, then going back to square one and starting all over again. It takes time, and energy, and I feel like I can’t do it anymore.

But then you come along and remind me of why I was trying to hard to begin with… and All I can do it try...

However this time your not here to show me.....

All I know …Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives ….Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow …The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there … Wanting more from me …And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there … Wanting more from me …And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness … And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life … I thought I had designed for me

What do you do when your scared?

2009-11-05T08:28:00.001+03:00

What do you do when your scared?

Over more than a year ago I got “The Book of answers” as a birthday gift from some of my friends, Which sort of resembles the magic 8 ball. You can ask a question, then randomly open a page and get the answer for your question. I’m pretty sure they bought it for me as a fun/joke kind of thing, but what they don’t know is the extent to which I use that book. I don’t think anyone knows!

The questions of the day is what do you do when you're scared? (well one of the questions of the day)

I’m like any average person, I must admit that I do have my moments when I’m scared shitless, and I don’t mean scared about that cockroach running across the room or taking an injection shot. Just plain scared about life and the consequences of an action I have to take, or scared about doing something good for me because if I fail, I may not be able to pick myself up again or on the next level, the people in my life may not be able to fix me this time and I will continue existing forever broken.

So what do I do when I am in that state?

Well apart from procrastinating and silently suffering, Since the last year, I actually turn to my book of answers to help me take a decision. Now I know some people may be thinking how can I leave such decisions up to a silly little book or Why doesn’t she talk to a friend I’m sure that would be more sensible than leaving it up to a random flip of page right? Well that is completely true but, what I came to understand about myself is that I do have a strong belief that everything happens for a reason, and we are exactly where we need to be in life right now. However that strong belief tends to leave me in my time of making a decision as I often find myself re-flipping the pages of my book of answers to find the answer that I want to hear (Well in this case read), which means that I have already made the decision on what to do (all by myself might I add), but doing this little abnormal tradition somehow reassures me that everything will be ok.

As I usually flip past my first, second or third answer (In many cases fourth, fifth, sixth, etc) and get angry at what I am reading, usually I question or reason with the book. Why the book is telling me to do this? why not? But I really want to do this! Its not so bad, If I fail I wouldn’t lose much, etc. All questions/justifications I should of stopped to ask/tell myself in the first place. I could of saved a lot of time, But I guess as a fellow human, It would have be un-natural if I made things very easy and simple for myself, as we are complicated creatures.

But I do some what finally understand that no matter what, everything will be ok, and things always do get better instead of worst. I also understand that even when I am scared the most, I am able or I have already made the decision of what is best for me, and I am not leaving life up to chance.

But seriously, what does everybody else do when they are scared?

Cravng - I only want what I can't have

2009-10-15T14:31:00.001+03:00

But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize. Their hearts desire, their dream....But the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted.

Craving! I only want what I can’t Have!!! And …. I only need what I don’t want. Many people might be able to say this, I however am stuck living like this, The only things in life that interest me are the ones I can’t have, and crave for them, I struggle and chase after them without a second thought to what it is doing to me. I want them so badly and I can’t give up wanting them.

But then again, I am not sure why I am complaining…. I do have a tendency of getting what I want, eventually, sooner or later , it does become mine.

When I left you, I flew
Did you fly too?
And nakedness befell my way
Only seen in light of day
I only want what I can't have
I only need what I don't want
I only want what I can't have
I only need what I don't want
And creativity, it soaks my soul
I asked not to be alone
You don't have to ask me for my hand
I already know where I stand
I only want what I can't have
I only need what I don't want
I only want what I can't have
I only need what I don't want
And consequences in the future
And feeling is now
And I can't feel the future
But I can be there for you now
I only want what I can't have
I only need what I don't want
I only want what I can't have
I only need what I don't want

Thinking out loud again.

2009-09-09T15:12:00.006+03:00

Growing up, the hardest choices I had to make were , what crayon I want to color with? what to have for breakfast or what am I going to do for the weekend? (Mind you, I still have trouble deciding what I will be doing for the weekend). Life back then made a lot of sense. Everything felt so right. There was nothing we (or Shall I say I) could do wrong. There was no wrong choice.

I don’t know, It’s not like I am lost, sad or anything like that, I am just wondering what happened to my freedom of choice, Actually no! I am wondering when I stopped fighting for it. I watch many people around me give up! For them it’s the finish line, I hear them thinking, “If this is what society/family/friends me to do, I shall do it” and I see them just give in. I wonder if they have any ambitions or dreams, or how much I am willing to give up to make others happy.

I think about my own dreams, they sure as hell will disappoint mum and dad, and I am wondering how much should I really care. Should I honor them by becoming a mindless zombie (which also somehow will upset them as well), Or should I go for it, Leap up to the sky without ever looking down and hope to god that eventually they will understand.

This is me, This is now, and unfortunately like others I have managed to lock myself up in a box filled up with full of secrets. But not for long, Because I want to always and forever see the good things in life! Ps- If your wondering what inspired my above chain of thoughts read below.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ACHE FOR, AND IF YOU DARE TO DREAM OF MEETING YOUR HEART’S LONGING.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WILL RISK LOOKING LIKE A FOOL FOR LOVE, FOR YOUR DREAM, FOR THE ADVENTURE OF BEING ALIVE.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE CENTRE OF YOUR OWN SORROW, IF YOU HAVE BEEN OPENED BY LIFE’S BETRAYALS, OR HAVE BECOME SHRIVELLED AND CLOSED FROM FEAR OF FURTHER PAIN.

I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN SIT WITH PAIN - MINE OR YOUR OWN - WITHOUT MOVING TO HIDE IT, OR FADE IT, OR FIX IT.

I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN BE WITH JOY - MINE OR YOUR OWN; IF YOU CAN DANCE WITH WILDNESS, AND LET THE ECSTASY FILL YOU TO THE TIPS OF YOUR FINGERS AND TOES, WITHOUT CAUTIONING US TO BE CAREFUL, BE REALISTIC, TO REMEMBER THE LIMITATIONS OF BEING HUMAN.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN DISAPPOINT ANOTHER TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF: IF YOU CAN BEAR THE ACCUSATION OF BETRAYAL AND NOT BETRAY YOUR OWN SOUL: IF YOU CAN BE FAITHLESS AND THEREFORE TRUSTWORTHY.

I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE BEAUTY, EVEN WHEN IT IS NOT PRETTY EVERY DAY, AND IF YOU CAN SOURCE YOUR LIFE FROM ITS’ PRESENCE. I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN LIVE WITH FAILURE, YOURS AND MINE, AND STILL STAND ON THE EDGE OF THE LAKE AND SHOUT TO THE SILVER OF THE FULL MOON, “YES!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN GET UP AFTER THE NIGHT OF GRIEF AND DESPAIR, WEARY AND BRUISED TO THE BONE, AND DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO FEED THE CHILDREN.

It doesn’t interest me what you know, or why you came here.
I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WILL STAND IN THE CENTRE OF THE FIRE WITH ME, AND NOT SHRINK BACK.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SUSTAINS YOU FROM THE INSIDE, WHEN ALL ELSE FALLS AWAY. I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN BE ALONE WITH YOURSELF, AND IF YOU TRULY LIKE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP IN THE EMPTY MOMENTS.

The Invitation – Oriah, Mountain Dreamer

Another Meh Moment

2009-09-08T13:25:00.001+03:00

Me…?

I have always been one to be interested in something I can not get, kind of like wishing you could hold the sun.

I am generally unappreciative of that which is given to me easily, Can’t say why though.

I have never had a problem getting things I felt is possible, and never had to struggle for them either, while I watch people try again and again to get them. People have flown pass the sky and on to the moon, If someone did it, So can I.

I am not one who has any trouble getting along with people, Nor am I afraid of being blunt with them.

I will not be the one to hold your hand and guide you to safety, because it’s in danger we live.

I have never been and will never be afraid of trying something new, growing old or dying along, or the fact that no one may miss me when I am gone. I am alive now, when the curtains close it all won’t matter.

I won’t tell someone I love them, Miss them or care for them if I don’t mean it. Even if I have known that person my whole life. I can’t even pretend I like someone I hate for the stake of anyone.

This is me, This is who I am, In all bluntness. Trying so hard not to get caught up in being someone else.

Why Am I saying this now? Its just something I needed to shout out.

What does it all mean? I have no clue.

What next? Well … That’s a secret.

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm shy but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket And the other one is playing the piano

Aha

2009-07-27T10:18:00.002+03:00

You told me the truth and yet, I got angry … Why did it hurt so much I don’t know…
The truth doesn’t hurt, especially for me, I’m not the type who cares about what people think.
Maybe it’s the reality of never going to be ……
But then again I’m not the type who is going to go and try or pretend to be something I am not just for acceptance ..
Case Closed….. But why am I still so upset?
That I will never know…

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet'cause
I've got one hand in my pocket And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down toIs that no one's really got it figured out just yet'cause
I've got one hand in my pocket And the other one is playing the piano

Here's to the Crazy Ones!

2009-07-22T08:34:00.002+03:00

Someone recently told me that only crazy people put themselves in messed up situations…well its true, what else would make a person quit the security of their job and go chasing after a silhouette of a dream. Take on challenges when there is no hope of succeeding. Walk deep into a forest full of unknown dangers…. But these are also the same people who reached past the sky and on to the moon.

The problem with us now a days, is that we think too much, we rely so much on facts and figures that our pure instincts are so out of tune. All those what if’s or should I's... but never really taking a step… We even fear being happy, doing something we like… which leads me to ask, who are the crazy ones?

The people in the world who we are being called crazy for what they are doing are succeeding in life, and then there are those who society classifies as normal, those hiding within security, but are not succeeding not even being alive.

Maybe its hard for us to fight against the limitations of being human? I don’t know, But I am willing to risk looking like a fool for my dreams, for the adventure of being alive… I am willing to disappoint another to be true to myself… and I can be alone with myself and truly enjoy the company I keep in the empty moments…. So here’s to being crazy… because I am crazy enough to think that the world can change…

Here's to the Crazy Ones!
The misfits, The rebels, The troublemakers, The round pegs in the square holes, The ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules, And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can't do is ignore them, Because they change things.
They invent, They imagine, They heal, They explore, They create, They inspire, They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas & see a work of art?
Or, sit in silence & hear a song that's never been written?
Or, gaze at a red planet & see a laboratory on wheels?
We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
"Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
- - Apple computers (Think Different)

Stuck in a fictionated reality

2009-07-14T08:32:00.003+03:00

Truth be told I've tried my best, But somewhere along the way, I got caught up in all there was to offer ….And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...I have sunk so low!I messed up….Better I should know…So don't come round here, And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent, Love was raw and young, We believed that we could change ourselves, The past could be undone, But we carry on our backs the burden, Time always reveals, In the lonely light of morning, In the wound that would not heal, It's the bitter taste of losing everything…..that I've held so dear.

Though I've tried, I've fallen...I have sunk so low!I messed up….Better I should know…So don't come round here, And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand, Nowhere left to turn..I'm lost to those I thought were friends, To everyone I knowOh they turn their heads embarrassed, Pretend that they don't see…But it's one missed step, One slip before you know it, And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...I have sunk so low!I messed up….Better I should know…So don't come round here, And tell me I told you so...

There are some people in need of a huge reality check, I am one of them. But the thing is I don’t like the reality I see, so instead I choose to ignore it… I seem to have put myself in a fictionated reality But…

Fact is… most of us really don’t understand ourselves… Fact is …. We often choose to stay the same because we are scared of change and we are scared of what happiness may bring, Fact is ….there will always be obstacles in our way, Fact is.. it is never easy to take a decision when you don’t know what it is you want, Fact is… not everybody has what it takes…. So why does it hurt when we hear other people telling us this?

I went ahead and made stupid choices …. But I can’t regret anything because it would have been all for nothing then….. I’m stuck…. But just for now, until I can figure out the exit to the tunnel. .. I need to shift my mind from fiction mode to fact mode.

18/06/2009

2009-06-18T10:37:00.000+03:00

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real.

To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.

So would I be out of line if I said,

I miss you.

Human

2009-06-09T14:43:00.000+03:00

Because I am human….

I need to be told how to Live for now. From all of the years that have come to pass, and all the years that will be, Before me I can only see right now, and it is in this moment that I am living in. Seeing, feeling and experiencing now!

I need to be shown how to be happy, during the most painful moments that life has thrown at me. To smile, when I feel like my heart is about to explode. To recover, when deep in depression.
I need to be held when I am broken, damaged at best. Shown past the disguise, to however deep it goes. Standing there with my true colors, to be looked at with truthful eyes, and be told that I have been perfect from the start.

But because I am human, I have people that have done the above for me.
Friends, Funny little creatures they are. People who you are able to share your life with. People who aren’t blood related. People who can surprisingly except you for who you are.

Just on a random note, why can’t 11 be read as onety one?

I didn’t get the MC VP position but at least I found my shoes!! =)

2009-02-21T23:32:00.000+03:00

Finally something to blog about!

As the title says, I didn’t get the MC position I was applying for! A lot of effort and waiting put in to the application/application process. But all was not wasted! I did learn how to make better power point presentations, among many other things.

People are now going to ask me how I am feeling, well a little sad, a little angry and a lot confused. That is expected, I’m only human. But the good thing about being human is that your doing fine, and if your not you will be.

People are going to tell me that this is not what I really wanted, for now I can say that I wanted this badly otherwise I wouldn’t have put so much effort into this. They are also going to tell me that other better things are going to come along, which is true, thought I might only notice it when it smacks me on the forehead in the near or distance future, but it will be there.

In short I’m fine, and if I’m not I will be. Some how, Any how. I will manage. Even if I am confused now. But hey there is good new in not getting the MC position! I found my black work shoes that where missing for like 2 months!!! Which I found because I was searching for my boxing gloves (which I didn’t find!) So Yay I don’t have to spent BD 20 anymore on buying new work shoes, and trust me that is something to be happy about!!!! I guess I really am a woman if shoes can make me this happy!

PS – Sarah Yousif, Hamad Tahar & Romeo Man I Know your going to rock AIESEC Bahrain next year!! Your too amazing not too!

@#%$%#$%@$#%@#$%$ (collected over the weeks)

2008-08-18T21:23:00.002+03:00

I hate it when people don’t understand your situation and try to give you advice. I feel like dragging them down to my situation and giving them the same stupid lines that they just gave me. I can’t bring myself to understand that your trying to help me! It is not, trust me it is not! I hate the fact that people feel sorry for you, like what I really need is someone's pity. You idiots.. YOU ARE MAKING ME FEEL WORSE! I would rather you pretend that everything is fine just so that I can feel normal. I don’t want solutions to my problems or answers for my future, I just need you to pretend that everything is alright and everything is fine. Even when its not. Just give me hope that it will be….

I hate it when people ask me about why I don’t speak Arabic or Hindi or any other language that I am suppose to be speaking, Can’t you just let it be, I am not interested now, and I will learn when I am interested. I have lived 19 years of my life without it and I have done perfectly fine! I really don’t want to learn Arabic because it is going to make gossiping with you so much freaking easier! I am ok with not speaking the language and I can live my life like this. I should've …could've …. but didn’t … SO deal with it. I hate it when people make fun of my accent in Arabic! You wanted me to speak Arabic and now your making make fun of me? I am freaking trying here! I am sorry that I am Half Indian, I am sorry that I don’t know any of my Bahraini Family members that could've taught me how to speak. But guess what if I could deal with it, then so could you.

I hate it when people ask me about my driver license and why I don’t have one, well you try having an inflexible full time job at the age of 16 while studying in the evening and trying to get your license, And if your are able to, then you can come back to me and tell me to get my license, I might listen to you. Until then, you can go fall down a ditch and die for all I care, because I am really sick of hearing it. I don’t have my license, big deal, The world is not going to end because of that. Not having a license makes my life difficult, not yours! And If it makes your life difficult please tell, so that I can give you some peace and stop bothering you! Having you not asking about my license so freaking much would be a blessing.

I hate Sundays

2008-08-03T20:45:00.002+03:00

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

Oh, no

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the
is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same
(Nine Inch Nails - Everyday is exactly the same)

Searching for the sunday where I don't find it painful to wake up.

In 20 years

2008-07-19T23:11:00.000+03:00

I don’t Know why I feel I want to talk about 20 years from now, what I will be doing, where I see myself, So I will just go ahead … with no explanation, no reason.

In 20 years from now, I see myself as a writer, a proclaimed writer, with some of the worlds top selling novels. My office will be small, but cozy, and I will have a lot of personal items decorating it. It would be my ultimate creative corner. I imagine my office always filled with papers, as I still would have not gotten out of the habit of writing now thoughts onto paper before typing them on to the computer. I would be frantically trying to finish my next best seller, hoping that yes this will be the one that they turn to a movie.

I see myself having an editor, who I treat as my P.A but secretly consider her my best friend. She would have read and edited most of my books. I imagine her pulling her hairs out trying to get me to finish my book on time, working harder that me to achieve my dreams, which is a book of mine that gets turned into a movie, Giving me a hard time of my carefree attitude. Writers are so hard to work with sometimes!

One of these days we will get that dream of ours!

My personality would still be the same, But I would be able to be more of myself and I would be able to understand me, or people better because of all the experience I have been through. I will have traveled most of the world by then, taking back with me a bit of each country, and becoming the person who I am (20 years from now)

I am more family orientated! I have 3 children that I can’t see my life without. I hoping its 2 boys and a girl… and that the girl will be more mischievous than the others! I feel secure and happy that I have a warm family. I would be sending my children to various art classes, with the hopes that one day they will become great artist, however I wont be disappointed they would choose to become bankers, doctors, etc. I know I will be supportive no matter what. We will all live is a small, warm, cozy house. Decorated with things I have picked up from all around the world. I imagine my house would be building from wood. It gives off this artistic feeling to it, and I own a old ford pick up truck that my kids love, they have always enjoyed sitting the back.

I see myself as such a cool person, I see my life has turned out pretty cool! I really cant wait for 20 years to really see what happens. I guess I will be coming back to this post in the late future.

ps - Thank you hamad for pointing out the typos and missing words

Thoughts 15 minutes before a tough exam

2008-06-16T00:08:00.000+03:00

Im not sure how to start, so I will just start. Lately I have been watching a lot of anime, I cant help it. It seems like all I want to do.
Specifically im addicted to this really childish anime. You could compare it to the power rangers… Yet I can relate to it!

The concept goes something like this “ All kids have an Egg in their heart, the egg of their dreams, their would be selves” (childish I know)

So we basically have an Egg in ourselves, this egg contains what we dream of and represent what we want to be. In the anime, some children’s wants are so powerful that the egg comes out of their heart and hatches into guardians. (if your still reading I applaud you) Sometimes some children want to achieve their dreams so badly but just cant, mostly because they don’t believe in themselves, those eggs turns blacks, gets an X mark on them and becomes harmful to the children and in some cases others as well. In the anime those kids grow up to be goal-less adults walking through life without ever enjoying it. So its up to all guardians to protect children’s eggs and prevent them for turning black/ or save the black eggs.

Somehow this feels similar, Childrens dream, some of them shine, some of them fall and never get back up.

Back to the anime, there are 2 characters I can really relate to …

1st is actually the bad guy of the anime, An evil scientist that preys on weak children and causes their eggs to turn black, crushing them. His story was that he wanted to be a professor one day and create an amazing type of robot, He really wanted it, so his dream egg came out, but before the egg could hatch into a guardian, it was accidentally crushed by one of his failure robots, slowly due to time he was forced to give up on his dream due to societal and parental pressures, his egg never returned. I guess you can say failures are deadly if you do not know how to pick yourself up after one.

The 2nd character I can relate to is a stray cat like boy, who is so indifferent yet so not. Someone who keeps quite and keeps everything to himself because of the fear of getting hurt or hurting others. Someone who cant seem to place importance in himself yet places importance in others.

These seem like negative things for me to relate to, but I’m at a point in my life where I need something I can relate to, I need to understand what im feeling, because right now a lot of things to me just don’t make sense, and the more I question them, the more I get sting or at the very least a bunch of angry screams.

I know its all in my hand, but I don’t have the motivation to do anything about it, I seem to have lost that, along with reason.

Im not too sure how I am going to try to understand

I could be facing the worst reality check, but I don’t want to accept it. Why cant I dream, just for a bit longer?

2008-05-07T22:18:00.000+03:00

Cracked this morning worst and weak
Tears roll down from inside my cheek
Strange timing
Oppurtunity knocks
Sun comes up, paradox

Don't ask me if I'm hungry
I'm not sick
Somethings tearing me up
Brick by brick
And I feel guilty
as I sigh
I'm feeling guilty
Why do I?

Cracked this morning
worse and sad
Or have I already told you that
Forget my plans to grow a vine
You wern't dressed to burn these thoughts of mine

2008-04-29T23:46:00.000+03:00

pardon me while I burstinto flames.
I've had enough of the world
and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burnand rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me...I'll never be the same!

Pardon me while I burst...

I need you to hear,
I need you to see
that I have had all I can take
and exploding seems like a
DEFINITE possibility to me.

Reflecting-questions-extermly random

2008-01-09T00:34:00.000+03:00

Of late I have been asking people these questions that I have been asking myself, I never did tell anyone my answers but I am going to post some of them here now.

1) What are things I learnt from others this/last year?

Something I learnt last year is that always have a plan, making a plan only takes about 5 minutes, but it is the key to having a successful event, career, session, outing.

I learnt the importance of relevance and roles, everything in your life has to have a role, a purpose and if it doesnt then it shouldnt be in my life, or if it has a negative role it shouldn’t be in my life as well.

There is always a way to link A to B, I just have to find that link

2) What is something I want to teach people?

I want to teach people to never give up and to keep trying, I am a strong believer in second chances, mainly because I always get a second chance, and sometimes that is maybe all I need, a second chance.

3) What is something I learnt by myself?

I learnt I need to fail, I really did hurt to fail, It sucks that I had to fail really badly just to realize things about myself I didnt know, but I needed it, mainly because it made me aware of alot of things, also its because I need to learn how to deal with failure and how to pick up the lessons learnt and move on. Which I can be bad at doing sometimes

I learnt that I am not ready for alot of things, but I want to do them anyways mainly because I am not ready. I lost the fear of tasking on a task I know nothing about, because I know I will be able to work my way through

I guess for me these are the 3 main questions that I really felt like sharing.
more blog posts to come

Invested time

2007-11-21T08:55:00.000+03:00

I will try to keep this post short,

I really want to thank all that invested time in me, All those late night cups of coffee and ice cream eating sessions.

Or maybe long phone calls or chats online. Cool chill outs at DQ, Papa Johns or Jasmis. Long drives or walks in the souq.

Or checking out good looking khabas guys.... It all means a lot to me.

So I just need to thank all those that invested time in me in 2007, before 2007 ends.

Thinking out loud

2007-11-20T16:41:00.000+03:00

Reflecting Back .. just some random thoughts

Sitting at my desk at work, counting down the days before the year ends, I am really thankful as to how this year has turned out.

Currently listening to Orinoco flow by Enya, work will end in about an Hour. After that I have a mid term and extra classes. Currently my schedule is over packed with alot of things to do.

Thinking back, the year was filled with alot of memorable occasions, more like memorable places or conversations that I can always go back to reflect on. When the year began the only 2 goals I set for myself are to get my license and to try and find sponsorship for university. I am sad to admit that I did not do both, however the time I spent doing alot of other things, to me right now I feel was well worth it.

Now my year is ending, what really happened last year shouldn't really matter right? Or should it?

I guess I should sit with myself on the 31st and have a big reflect ... I should probably use the eid holidays to set expectations and goals for myself for next year ... and oh yeah the license and the sponsorship are 2 of the many things I should do.

So hats off to a rocky 07 ... 41 days left for me to enjoy the year.

IC 2007

2007-09-03T16:42:00.000+03:00

This could be long ….

My First IC Experience started with me waiting in the airport for 9 hours to be picked up by the CC (Congress Committee). Fortunately I had met up with the Sri Lankan IC Delegates and the You Can Brazil delegates as well, so the wait without food or sleep was bearable.

Being in Turkey challenged me in many different ways. It was mostly about self realization, coming to terms with what I am not capable of doing and how can I improve myself. It's weird because being at IC, I could definitely say that I was really frustrated and very happy at the same time. Frustration could have been due to some sort of cultural shock, but IC was truly an interesting experience. An over all "great" in my books.

Some sessions weren't very interesting, but some I enjoyed. My highlight of IC was meeting amazing people and having amazing conversations with them. On the last Day of the conference I had an amazing conversation with the current 07/08 VP X. It was one hell of a conversation for me to speak to someone who is so passionate about Exchange. That’s motivation stamped all over me.

The country that I felt in love with is Malta, The Maltase where just so easy to get along with. That is one new country I want to visit in the near future. I am also very proud of the Bahraini Delegation. I Think they really represented Bahrain in the Best Manner. A country That I also Admire is Germany for the efforts they are putting into expanding into the middle east. I think they are doing an amazing Job.

Of coarse this is no all I have to say about IC. But its just an overview of what my IC experience was like and what are my main feelings about IC.

2007-07-23T08:23:00.000+03:00

University Finals, AIESEC and Work
Busy, Happy and Sick .....

8 more days to august ... can wait to see what suprises August has for me

2007-07-19T09:28:00.001+03:00

If I could sing out a song right now for you, Just explain how im feeling it would be Wind by Akeboshi .. lyric are below

Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.

My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't try with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."

Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.

You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't try with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

2007-07-03T15:12:00.000+03:00

July started with me saying goodbye to 3 amazing people. I guess this is the hardest part of AIESEC to say goodbye to people and to thank people about the effect they had in your life.

To John, Claude and Lyna, Thank you for the impact you had in my life, and good luck in the next steps of your lives, you have my support.

Words can't express my feelings towards the 3 of you.

June

2007-07-03T13:35:00.000+03:00

The 3 days in June I would remember

26th June - First Day of Natco, Skipping the whole amazing day and going to the highlight of that day. For me it was receiving a recognition, I accidentally saw my name just before they where going to be announcing the final recognition and I had no idea that I was being considered, hearing all those amazing things being said to me and having the guys behind me whispering things to me clam me down .. It was great.

27th June - Second Day of Natco, our guest speaker (Amal) was amazing. Reflecting back on the day my only thoughts of the day where I am going to work on my presentation skills until they reach Amal's level and I will do my best a VP X.

28th June - Last Day of Natco, reality started to sink in today, I was extremely nervous about allocation of people into teams, I think in the end I got an amazing X Team, I said goodbye to a few X members but I'm welcoming in a lot. There are a lot of memories on that day, mostly ones of when I first start AIESEC. We ended the day with singing like mad, just one of those time I can look across the room and actually feel comfortable with the people around me.

2 years in Infocall!

2007-06-07T11:02:00.000+03:00

Today the 7th of June 2007 I have officially completed working in Infocall for 2 years. For those who do not know, Infocall is the first and only company I have worked with .. So completing 2 whole years with Infocall means that I have successfully been independent for 2 years!

Thinking back, these past 2 years have taught me a lot ... I have been tested in so many ways ... and every time I was angry and every time I taught I could not handling the stress, the pressure or the problems I would stop take an hour to clear my head and continue. I have no idea what made me continue… It has been the toughest 2 years of my life and now sitting here my only thought is yes I have made it through 2 years, yes I can do this. I AM doing fine...

But I have to admit it has been an amazing 2 years, dispute the ugly side of the 2 years there where happy times and I did learn a lot, and I am thankful.

There are people that I just have to mention today ...

1) Roydon - An excellent Boss and friend
2) Mark - Exactly the Same as Roydon
3) Daryl - A fellow team member ... The person who I sit and trouble every morning ..
4) Rana - I knew better by working with you than I did in school .. I will miss you when you leave
5) Jomaya - I know you for 11 years!!!! we where in class together now we work together
6) Safiya - Safiya your an idiot ... but I admire your strength your a survivor .
Lastly
7) Shuhrah - Yeah your cool .. your completely different that what I thought you where

We have 3 new additions to the team Hala, Eman and Arif .. looking forward to getting to know these people ....

My Infocall team ... the people that see me 10 hours a day straight .... Im glad I got to know and work with you all ....

Reflecting Back

2007-06-07T10:14:00.000+03:00

This post is just to reflect back on the previous 5 months of this year ...
It's June now .. the 6th month of the year which means that there are only 6 months left for the year to end ... How has the year been so far?

Lets Find out …

January - The year started with me traveling .. I was in UAE on the 1st of Jan ... I missed the birthday of 2 of my good friends, but I was forgiven ... I was actually Not looking forward to the year but that’s changed now... on about the 3rd of Jan I traveled to Thailand ... It was amazing and fun .. But I hated the shopping for clothes part but I enjoyed buying a lot of weird things! I'm glad I got to see Thailand.

February - AIESEC work had just start, I helped with the recruitment marketing materials and OC-ed for the Desert Rose conference .. I am sure that there where more projects I worked on but this is all I can remember at the moment. These projects/Events stood out.

March - Oh March is a month to remember ... Going to Morocco MENA LDS .. I will never forget March '07 ... and I also remember helping John (an AIESECer from Australia and one of the 3 AIESECers that manages AIESEC Bahrain on a National Level) search for students abroad to fill in our first newly raised internship here in Bahrain. Words cannot explain what I felt in march. Another person I have to mention is my mate Lyna .. I guess she added to the magic of March (and February ..).

April - I know that there where things that happened in April .. recruitment was going on, and Handled my own Mini training session. But you could say April was a resting period for me.

May - Another month that was crazy, It started off with me going to the Bahrain International Travel Expo (BITE) representing my Beloved Organization AIESEC , Helped an AIESECer called Aysha with the marketing Material for an upcoming conference and she and other AIESECers are organizing, Then there was the induction capstone conference ( this was a conference for the new AIESEC members) , the FAMA Awards which was organized by my friend .. It was fun to attend, there was also AIESEC E-Board elections taking place .. I ran for the position Vice President of Exchange (on a Local Committee Level) ... Running for the VP position was nerve wrecking, I was so nervous on the day ... but I so happy because I got it! Lastly .. the last event of May was the Youth Round Table .. This is some thing that my mate John has been working on for a while, I was amazed to see how an idea had been brought to life .. I got a lot of motivation from that conference ..

Now I await to see what June brings .. I have a feeling it is going to be an amazing month as well…

2007-05-27T09:45:00.000+03:00

Morals, Morals and Morals.
I can't seem to get that word out of my head. To me morals and values are something are more big than religion. I dont know why but lately it's the first thing I think of when I get up, and the thoughts keep coming until I fall asleep. I dont know, maybe I am becoming religious without even realizing it ... well I have no idea, this is the only thing on my mind right now.

2007-05-24T10:13:00.000+03:00

What should I do? What should I do?
Been faced with a lot of tough decisions lately.
should I do something that will make me happy or should do the things that others think will make me happy? I'm really an easy going person, but lately I have been have trouble with whether I should do the correct thing for me or do the "morally correct thing", and the correct thing for me may not be the best for other people. I hate lying or being manipulative, plus I was never good at lying may be a bit ok with BS'ing but not lying. A lot of people have been telling me if you want to live a good and peaceful life you have to lie a little, Take what you want in anyway possible. Should I lie and manipulate people to my will? or should I just be honest and straight to the point? All I do have in my life are my morals ... and if I abandon them now then what happens next. Life would be so much easier if I just lied but I don't think I would be fully content with myself if I did lie ... in the end it is my morals and values that I do stick by. How can I tell these people that I am not want they want me to be? what path should I take to find my inner and outter peace ....

2007-05-17T13:51:00.000+03:00

Summer is back!

I not sure if I should jump in joy or sulk and curse. Although the heat may be excruciating one can't help but be happy. So many pool dates have been set, and many more to come. The fridge seems to be stock pilled with Ice cream and the Air conditioners are all on full blast...

Cursing the fact that I have work and university but hey my goal this summer is to have fun ....

Imagen ... taking over the living room ... I got resident playing on mute on the television ... Bleach playing on my laptop ... the AC switched on... full blast ... the room is not too bright but not too dull ... just laying around enjoying the fact that I am wasting time .. eating Ice cream while wrapped up in a blanket.... to me that sounds like a fun dream .. add some music to the background .. Drive by incubus ....

Sigh* that would be so cool to do this summer ... apart from pools and ice skating ... just relaxing ..

im loyal to coffee bean and tea leaf

2007-04-20T08:07:00.000+03:00

4 months into this year have gone by so fast! University is out so been hanging out with my mates every night. We have made it our personal mission to search for the best coffee place here in bahrain. And .... we found it! " coffee bean and tea leaf " is the best! serious that place is amazing! Its so addictive that people could suffer from gluttony! God bless the creators of that company. What took you guys so long to start up in bahrain! And forget that the coffee is great, the tea is great also! I love you coffee bean and tea leaf .... you mini heaven on an island ... sip* hmm thats what i call good coffee

2007-04-07T11:56:00.000+03:00

" I am sad to leave this wonderful team but change is a fact of life , we do not get where we want to get without change. ".... Then left the greatest Manager I have known so far in my professional career. I have only had 2 general managers so far and both of them where extremes. One you couldnt help hating and one of them you couldnt help loving. We had celebrated when the one we hated had left and saddend for the one we love. But like he said change is a fact of life.... But excuse me for being a pessimist at the moment but i know that with him gone you can say we are pretty much screwed. Damn the office politics ...

But going back to my G.M leaving ... reminds me of the few people i will have to say goodbye too very soon. I dread that deeply. My good friend is going away to study. I honestly will not be used to having her not around. we practically lived in each others houses since grade 7. prob the hardest good bye. Unsure if she'll be back during summers tooo.

I also would have to say good bye to 3 other people too. one of them is a person who i have come deeply to respect. The other 2 i admire alot also.
I dnt think any of the people i have mentioned in this post actually know that played an important part into developing me into the person I am right now. I feel like I know the greatest people in the world and I had the oppourtunity to sit and spend alot of time with them.

very soon il be saying goodbye ... I hope the goodbye list doesnt increase...

the firsts of MENA LDS

2007-03-26T10:17:00.000+03:00

The conference had so many firsts for me its was unbelievable ...

I wore my first AIESEC bahrain T-shirt
Ate my first dish of moroccan food
Had my first international room mates
Met my first of "international friends", countries that i have heard of but never met people from!
My first time to speak in front of a crowd of abouts 230 people without being scared
Took the train for the first time
sang the first MENA LDS song for the first time
Met some very inspirational people and actually connected with them
sang alot of arabic songs and I mean alottttttt
hosted a discussion group …. which I want to continue doing …
had wondering dinner with AIESEC in the USA .. thank you lyna and shereen for making me go to it! Im so glad I went!
got my first cowboy hat from my mexican friend .. god I love that hat … I wish I could wear it to work L
saw a blue jelly fish for the first time it looked pretty .. but highly deadly
was taking care of by people not from my family but did become a family to me ..

well there are alot more firsts of the MENA LDS but i one thing i loved about all my first is that I had someone form the bahraini delegate next to me sharing my first ...

and i guess i would just like to thank the bahraini delegates for adding on to the magic of this wonder full conference ...

In order of love, i thank the females :
Nasreen (my first love) 2. Aqeela (my second love) 3. Bint al khawaja 4. Renad (bint al khawaja's friend) 5. dana ( we no longer have a speaking problem ) 6. Aysha (woman power) 7. lyna (sorry i met nasreen first) 8. yasmine (it was great being bored next to u on the plane ) 9. Mariam Kamal (it was fun to randomly show up in ur room) 10. shereen (my last love)

You girls are the love of my life …

And guys inorder of memory :
Ali ( fluffy_onion_diesal), Ali ( yah alawi ..lalalla that song is still stuck in my head), terbo (hahhaha I think u where the first person to lose his voice ) , fix (u bought F1 to morocco), momo ( I like ur punishment ) , aseeri (it was fun watch james bond with ya) and ghassan (I saw u smile for the first time in the conference .. before that u where just serious ) ...

Thank u bahrain ... I dnt think we would have won best delegate of the conference if any of guys where missing ... And so with that I end my blog entry by saying " The best first I ever had was that Bahrain is the first country to win best delegated of the conference in the first MENA LDS ever ... setting an example for all other MENA countries " and im so lucky to just share it with all of the people above ...

Sessions

2007-03-25T15:49:00.000+03:00

Sessions for the MENA LDS where great, But the sessions that i will be mostly remember are the Bridging the Gap session and " the secret " I wish much more time could be allocated to these session!

Bridging the Gap is very important to me! Alot more than people know it! I aim to break down as many stereotypes as I can! Even my own personal stereotypes! And the MENA LDS really helped with breaking those stereotypes! Not only did I find that I had the wrong opinion about a certain group! I found out that they also had a wrong opinion about me, and personally it meant alot to mean to find out I myself have developed stereotypes without realizing it! and im glad I am now aware of it and when ever possible I would like to " bridge the Gap " between groups, countries or individuals. It is that important to me.

Going through the session "the secret" just reminded me the importance of being positive in any situation! And i generally am a very positive person but sometimes you just seem to forget that and concentrate on everything bad that has happened! But honestly I would rather say how fascinating after something bad has happened, then say why me! Why because your a much happier person when your positive then negative! If you manage to lose your money, and will in deep shit when you go home but your positive then your happy and when your happy you feel like you can take over the world (metaphorically speaking of coarse) or in simple terms deal with problems around you more easily. That is what the session "the secret" reminded me about. (although I can say I was a bit hesitant to apply the think positively idea in the begining cos I was an idiot I later on did and I worked well)

MENA LDS group activities!

2007-03-25T15:30:00.000+03:00

There are only 2 group activities that will actually sick with me!
The bomb diffuse game and the carpet game! Oh how much fun i had in these 2 games!

First let me tell you about the bomb game!

My team lost miserably! we barely step on the grass before the faci's we shouting bomb exploded! It was hilarious (but had it been a real bomb we would have been screwed)! the one thing about the team was that they had high spirits! They didnt mind losing as long as they learnt something from it! so every time we failed we would do a roll call! I think we where the first to come up with a roll call that fitted our name.... I said a boom chicka boom ....
lol …..Team " the bomb " you will always remain in my memory!

Now the carpet game!

we had 20 people on a carpet and the objective of this game was to flip the carpet upside down without anybody's feet (or other body part) touching the areas outside the carpet! OMG it was a total train wreck! the bahraini delegates knew the solution but the other ones didnt want to hear the solution because they wanted to learn the lesson. So we shut up and OMG the things that happened in that game! people where crying from laughter when they where looking at us! i wish i have some pics! unfortunately i was with them doing the game and i had no camera! Imagine some of the girls where sitting on the guys shoulders to make more space for the others, and those poor girls keep getting thrown from one guy to another, the funniest part of all is when fix landed on his ass! It was one of those things you have to see.

breakfast, lunch, dinner and break timings at MENA LDS

2007-03-25T15:02:00.000+03:00

these 4 timings in the day would be the most fun for me! Just to go out meet people and socialize with them. hearing their point of view on a particular, listening to the inspirational stories, oh and i heard a lot! At some point I would forget to eat because I was so interested in what the person next to me was telling me. good times. Now sitting back here in bahrain, and recalling all the sorts of conversations I have had during the MENA LDS, all i can say is that I will treasure moments like these for the rest of my life. I know i will be crossing paths with my MENA LDS friends at some point in my life. So farewell until our next supper together ... im sure that is also going to be a memorable one.

heading to morocco!

2007-03-25T14:37:00.000+03:00

It was Wednesday 14th march and we gathered at the airport at 8 pm! the bahraini delegation was all set to go out to morocco to the MENA LDS conference. I had no idea that I was heading out to a life changing experience. I didnt know that I would inspired and be inspired, be motivated and be a motivator. In short I never knew what a difference it would have made, the people I would of met and the special moments I would have had.

you can say that this conference is and always will be the turning point of my life! and im glad i never knew my life is going to change because sometime we all fear the change. But in this case ... well you can just say it suprised me ....

It's Ok

2007-03-05T16:21:00.000+03:00

Its ok ... let go, Everything is falling to pieces
Its ok I will be here, when your ready to piece up the pieces
Its ok, just let go. I will be here and you know.

Love,
Tima

Desert Rose Day 2 ( saturday )

2007-03-02T13:19:00.000+03:00

Saturday started out with me waking up early and taking a hot shower … hmmm then heading back to the Desert Rose conference. My poor sister volunteered to take me both days and I thank her very much. Once we got to the tent, we decided to take the gals to the bathroom. That took about 1 hour of our time. An hour later, back in the tent and preparing for day 2 of the conference. We just need to register a few people in, as most of them registered the first day! Then it was time for day 2 of the conference to begin!!! Wahooo! Opening ceremony went well and sessions started. The sessions during the morning where mainly about facilitation. How to write up a session and how to present it. It was really fun and interesting to do as we had to write up a session for someone else and we also had to present somebody else’s session, This was the most beneficial to me and I really hope to put what I have learnt into practice soon! Lunch was cooked by our LCP Terbo!!! Surprising enough it tasted good! He must teach me how to cook like that. The afternoon sessions where focused on how to market AIESEC, and we took a look at the plans, what we are supposed to achieve by the end of each month. Sitting through these sessions made me think about how I can contribute to AIESEC Bahrain. The whole time I was thinking about how AIESEC Bahrain started and how it is currently and how will it be in the future.

The conference was really worth my time and I look forward to being a more active member and giving more of my time to events like these.

Desert Rose ( Friday ) A weekend to remember

2007-03-01T16:05:00.000+03:00

Spent the last weekend with AIESEC, and was truly worth my time! It was the desert rose conference and I was a member of the OC (organizing committee) which gave me a chance to work with people from outside my group and I hope to do that more often. OCing with me was Mai and Reem, im really glad I worked with them, I got to know them. Mai is so easy going, her sense of humor is similar to mine. workin with her is just a breath of fresh air, and Reem well I tired to describe her in one word before be couldnt but I think I can say she is lively, she is just full of life really fun to be around and to work with (and go to the coldstore with). Friday started out with me waiting for almost an hour until our OC president came along (he didn't put up the signs which I spent hours making but I forgive him!!), headed to the tent (oh yeh incase you didn't know the conference was in the desert in a tent) As I entered the tent I was amused by the thought of technology in the desert even if I didn't show it, come on we where having power point presentations in a tent in the middle of nowhere! whats not amusing? Then it was straight off to registering the delegates. Although I was initially being assisted by sarah as the other OC member weren't there, registration was a mess, but later on got better as the other OCers came to the rescue. After all that was done the opening ceremony took place … This was memorable! We had the perfect chair for the conference! She was great! The opening ceremony got us right in to the mood for this conference. We then had a message from our Romanian friend Mada … inspiring message. The conference flow went something like this. Our facilitator would give a speech and then divide us into groups and give us cases to work on. This worked effectively! I was part of the fire flames. My group members were mariam, ahmed and ghasan! It was fun to work with them. Mariam indeed deserves to be called a fire flame. This day was mainly focused on being a change agent. I wished we were given more time for the change agent characteristics, which ones we have and which ones we need to develop. After that session we had a prayer break, me and renad spent an hour together just driving to use the bathroom, using the bathroom and coming back ,as there where no bathrooms at the camp! As soon as I got back to the tent after my 1 hour long bathroom break! I was off to help Mai arrange the lunch for the delegates and the Faci ( facilitators), where I spent a good 15 mins washing apples! Lunch was served and we sat down to eat and joined the conversation(very interesting). Once lunch was over we cleaned up and headed to outside the tents to do group activities! We all where split into to 2 groups. Sahar was the faci ( I think that's the term) for our group (the good looking people), and I honestly have to admit that we have grown a lot closer as a team! We completed all of the challenges given to us, when compare to my first NATCO where we didn't, It is a big improvement. I can honestly trust the Bahraini AIESECers and I really do feel very comfortable with them. At the end of the day I feel like I can take what I learnt from this conference and apply it. The first day of the conference was a success, It ran so smoothly and there was a bit bad time management (we started late) but we covered a lot despite that.

Saturday and Sunday with AIESEC

2007-02-13T11:19:00.000+03:00

Saturday 10th Feb
AIESEC had its first parents dinner! (Cant wait for the second) I was giving the chance to speak to the parents about exchange! Damn that was like my first speech in front of people I knew nothing about! It was soooo scary! But Hell I would do it again and again and again! Not because I enjoy shaking and panicking but because the AIESEC team is always there to support me! And I guess it is good to have so much support! And eventually I will become good at speaking. But it was not only me that was nervous there where a few others like me and we really did step up!
clap for ourselves!
Sunday 11th Feb
Selection of an Exchange leader! I was one of the persons running! WOW what an experience. Being interviewed by your team mates! Running against a team mate that supports you! and the lonnnnnnnnng wait before the results! the wait was the worst part! But im looking forward to them now, as I have this feeling that it will become apart of my life! Anyways I did lose but I was so happy after the results, Not because I lost but because It was a kind situation where I could benefit if I won or lost! But still even if im not leader I will put all my efforting into exchange! It is something that I want to see sucessful in AIESEC Bahrain!

welcoming 2007

2007-02-12T09:46:00.000+03:00

After 1 month and 12 days into my new year i have finnally decided to accept and embrace the new year! Yippy huh? Reflecting back 2006 and thinking about how much of a train wreck it was, I cant help admitting that I did learn something new, Even if it was forced. But im picking up pieces from the 2006 train wreck and head for 2007 by foot! Slow but safe.
So what have i learnt from 2006? hmmmm that if your going to run away from home remember to take ur wallet this time and try doing it on a weekend not week day as you have work the next day. There is no point of taking pictures in the dark ... cos then all you will be able to see are eyes. Oh yeh i also learnt about how much batelco really sucks! no wait i think i learnt that a few days ago ....
anyways moving on .... !?! Oh yeh so im welcoming 2007
here at work, dead bored ... but after i had an interesting saturday and sunday.... welcome 2007 and bring it on, i guess im prepared for it. Lots of new faces, lots of new experiences. and the same old people to share 'em with.
What more can i ask for in life .... well maybe a driving instructor and an orange pillow that i have been dying to find but i guess that is about it.